Now You're Just Splitting Hairs

Join me down memory lane and take a look at my impulsive hair choices.

This is pretty much my natural hair color. As hairdressers like to call it: dark ash blonde or dishwater blonde. Yep, a color so gorgeous, it's reminiscent of dirty water.

In college I tried many colors: brown, red, platinum, black... I tanned on a daily basis because I thought my skin needed a good crisping. I tanned so much, in fact, that one fateful tan erupted blisters on my chest. I cried myself to sleep that night--not because I had bleeding pustules on my bosom, but because I couldn't tan the next day. I was a tan mad man.

As you see, I was a ripe color of orange, my skin darker than my hair. Trying to weave logic into the illogical, I decided I should dye my hair darker to better complement. Past Katie made choices that confuse Present Katie.


I thought the dark brown was too harsh, so I tried a golden/reddish brown a few times. Yes, I’m still tanning like an idiot.

In 2005, Kelly Clarkson-inspired highlights are in--so make 'em thick 'n' chunky. You know, I paid $80 for this comb-through color..

I never cared for American Idol, so I tried to return to a more natural blonde, which ultimately was too brassy for my taste. And as you can see, I'm a lady of exquisite taste (not pictured: Keystone Light).


Too brassy--why not go platinum? I'm starting to chill the tanning, but I also started shopping the Express Men's section. At least I'm consistent with making strange choices.


Senioritis kicked in and I stopped caring what I looked like both in hair and wardrobe. Hair is seemingly in a constant bun state.


Over the next couple years, my hair grows long and healthy. I can pull off semi-elaborate styles and take photo booth selfies like a vain hermit. See, when my hair gets long and healthy, my saboteur spirit is triggered and I do something reeeaaaaaaalll dumb…

...like using red box dye. I decided not dying the underside was a great idea. I’m not sure why I...I just don't know.

Here's the thing about red hair color: if you put it over previously bleached hair, THAT RED WILL CLING. The color was fading into a Florida orange and I went to this nutty hairdresser to fix it. The first time he tried to raise the color to no avail. I had to wait a few weeks for my hair to cool down, then he decided to give me the chunky Kelly Clarkson look from 2005. I paid for this to happen in 2012.

A couple months later, I went to my usual hairdresser and she saved me from the mid-2000s, but not from deciding I should bake my skin again.

I didn’t dye it for two years, but around May 2014 someone said I looked like nerdy Taylor Swift. Based on a stranger's statement, I decided to dye my hair and become the terrible Taylor Swift doppelgänger no one wanted. Going from dark ash blonde to light ash blonde isn't the craziest lift and it looked good…at first.

Sadly, it went Justin Timberlake's *NSYNC era, ramen blonde REAL QUICK. By the way, this is Tokyo Oktoberfest in May. Yep.

I toned it every couple months with grey toner and I looked like a fabulous long-haired grandma.

Several toners later, my hair was crispier than a bucket of KFC, and I chopped my hair off in the bathroom. Over 15 inches in the toilet (which I still feel bad about flushing).

I made the chop last summer--the shortest hair style in about 10 years. It's...hair. It's not something anyone should be attached to. I wish I had the chiseled looks of Natalie Portman or Dwayne Johnson to pull off a short do. I suppose as confident as I (think I) am, I still hide some insecurity behind these hair curtains.