I'm the One Who Smashes

*This story in no way reflects the opinion of my employer*

To speak about games that greatly impacted my life would be Game of Thrones lengthy. A Song of Chalupas and Sweatpants, if you will. There are games that impacted me in such a way that they changed the trajectory of my career ambition from history teacher to something in video games. (Concrete direction, I know.) Ocarina of Time holds that crown. And there are games that impacted life-changing decisions that originated from friendly free-for-alls in a dorm room. Smash holds that crown.

The Super Smash Bros. series has been a gaming phenomenon since the Nintendo 64 era—also known as the era where I shaved my bangs. It was the worst of times, it was the weirdest of times, it was the introduction of Smash… Please join me as I recount a few of my favorite—and often strange—memories.

Super Smash Bros. 64

In 1999, I saw the infamous TV advertisement for Super Smash Bros. I WANTED. THAT. GAME. I saved my babysitting money, bought the game, and waited for my ride to pick up his pace. Although my dad had two full sock drawers, any trip to the store had him convinced he was down to his last pair. Or perhaps when he entered the sock aisle, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy… I had been smothering his nightly snoring with socks for many months. When he reached the sock aisle, maybe he felt a faint breeze across his face and a tightness around his throat. Like the socks he bought wouldn’t cover his feet, but instead suffocate his breathing in the dark of the night. Why are the socks trying to kill me? he likely wondered, lost among the aisles of cotton killers.

Strange child antics aside, back then I had few friends or an abundance of alone time depending on your “the glass is half…” philosophy. Thanks to all my free time, I was able to play every morsel of Smash 64. I chased down targets like they owed me coin. I raced like Adult Link was at the finish. I scaled platforms so successfully my thumbs were entered in a Strongman competition. Oh. I played the classic 1-player game mode as well. Because who better to spend time with than my dear friend—a level 7 Donkey Kong.

As I scanned the character roster, I saw many unfamiliar faces. I thought I played all the games Nintendo had to offer! I checked out Samus, Captain Falcon, and Ness; and at the time, I didn’t know who the space pirate or fabulous captain or this Charlie Brown kid were. After hours of research on AOL, I realized through Smash that many new game worlds existed for me to explore. Smash 64 wasn’t simply a fun game. It opened my mind to new adventures I needed to experience. I eventually picked up Super Metroid and Earthbound and was not disappointed. F-Zero didn’t interest me since Mario Kart sated whatever racing craving I had. Nipple buttons, however, I found my closet to be lacking.

As I mentioned earlier, I babysat in order to afford new games. I also chose kids to babysit that would play multiplayer games with me. Hello, young friends with no choice. There was one family in particular I enjoyed babysitting since the kids were old enough to play skillfully.

One evening as I churned cheese powder into a gourmet macaroni dinner, the oldest child, Neil, brought two of his friends over. They plugged into Smash 64 multiplayer mode and included the middle child, Nicole. I soon overheard them mocking her skills. I placed the wooden spoon on the counter, walking away from my caregiver responsibility to address a greater responsibility: to whoop three trash-talkin’ 11-year-olds in Smash. I approached the group announcing myself as their new challenger. Much to their surprise, I didn’t want to 1v1 them; I wanted all three to try to take me out. I fought my fair share of polygon teams, so surely a few pompous turds would be easily wiped clean from the stage. It was my greatest multiplayer battle yet, and I had my honor as well as Nicole’s to defend. I opted for my main: Pikachu. My heart raced as my fingers flicked and pressed toward a hopeful victory. After an intense battle that compromised the dryness of my underarms, I managed to win. I destroyed their avatars in the game, and I crushed their pre-pubescent egos in the family room. Unfortunately, Nicole lost interest in video games soon thereafter. Maybe my pit stains aren’t appealing to those on the fence about this hobby.

Super Smash Bros. Melee

I could hardly contain my excitement for the Nintendo GameCube launch back in 2001—and Super Smash Bros. Melee releasing shortly after launch. I couldn’t afford the GameCube on paltry babysitting wages, so I bought Melee alone and saved up for the console. I read through the manual daily as if I had missed something the day before. When I finally bought a GameCube, I played Melee solo since I didn’t have many gamer friends in high school. That changed when I left for college ready to start anew—although still familiar as my dorm was stocked with games. During the first dorm meeting, I introduced myself, stated my room number, and challenged anyone to come face me in Melee. How ironic that a game I spent so much time with alone, would introduce me to many friends. My fondest memories of college don’t include parties and drinking, but playing Melee with my friends.

I had a core group of Melee friends I met freshman year: Adam, Josh, and Jerry. We met in the dorm hallway when the magic words “Falcon Paaaunch” were uttered by one of us. As Sakurai’s spirit divined us to meet, we grew to be fast friends and played several times a week. We smashed purely for fun—often playing random characters and non-traditional games like King of the Rock in Hyrule Temple.

After the first summer break spent at home, I returned to school excited to play multiplayer Melee again. Adam, Josh, Jerry and I reunited on the battlefield, and somehow they were significantly better. They were playing twice as fast, hopping low to the stage, and selecting few characters: Fox, Falco, Marth... I was no match for their new skills! They watched videos of people wave-dashing, L-cancelling, and the sort to integrate into their gameplay. I eventually picked up a few of these new tactics, but never could quite get up to speed with short hopping. “Don’t use the stick to jump or you’ll never get this good,” they’d say. But I had been using the control stick to jump the past five years. To condition me, they insisted the option to jump with the stick should be muted so I would adapt. I tried for hours upon hours to adjust to this new control, but always found my left thumb twitching to jump. I soon buckled for familiarity and turned the option back on. I accepted that I wasn’t the best since the fun outweighed the glory. I joined them for tournaments and even won a few rounds occasionally despite my “handicap.”

To sum up my adoration for this game, behold this screenshot of my records. I'm sure this image would evoke much pride from my parents. That play time—2864 hours—is approximately 120 days. I reckon the other 2000 hours were Hyrule Temple on loop. My freshmen year roommate that transferred schools halfway through the year can likely confirm.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

The buildup to Super Smash Bros. Brawl’s release was as hotly anticipated as Melee’s. I remember going to work and checking Smash Bros. DOJO!! as the first order of business. (Sorry, Boss.) I was filled with increasing despair the longer Sheik wasn’t announced. My main from Melee and my favorite character (at the time) couldn’t fall from the roster. When I finally saw the Sheik update, I was overjoyed. Thanks for not removing me from my comfort zone, Sakurai. But he would find other ways…

After Brawl’s launch, my friends and I played often but felt frustrated about certain gameplay decisions. I struggled with the tripping aspect more than anything. Let’s be clear: I’m not a game designer. I studied game development in school and I play a lot of games—those are my credentials. I could not find good reason that random tripping should be in Smash, let alone any game during player-controlled movement. The moment you take control from the player without justification is the moment you’ve frustrated them. I believe there were a few oversights in game mechanic adjustments and gameplay decisions that should have been more player-centric. Regardless, I still had fun with Brawl.

                                       

Super Smash Bros. for 3DS / Wii U

When I started working at Nintendo in June 2014, we soon got a chance to play the Super Smash Bros. for Wii U demo in the office. We were enjoying the limited build and decided to have a ladder tournament of sorts—Mike and myself being the final two contenders. I ended up beating him in an intense match—his hands shaking and my underarms predictably sweating. I was proclaimed Best Smash Player in Redwood City. He was proclaimed Another Good Smash Player.

Several months later, Smash launched for 3DS and then Wii U. For so long, Mike quietly harbored bitter feelings toward me as he was unable to wash the taste of salt from his mouth. Mike demanded redemption and a proper tournament.

Many co-workers signed up for the tournament, but everyone knew who the final two competitors would be. In a grueling match on the Battlefield stage, Mike (Yoshi) and I (Sheik) were neck and neck the entire time. My office cheerleader, Erika, was cheering like a crazed mom on the soccer field. This was no different than her usual cubicle manners while working spreadsheets and equally distracting. I tend to dabble in acrobatics with Sheik, which caused gasps from the crowd. I was putting on a show, but truthfully I felt like I was going to lose. Yoshi and Sheik danced across the screen with feet fluttering and hands slapping through the sky. As time wound down, my fundamental math skills calculated that I was down one stock and would concede my title. “3…2…1… Time!” the announcer clamored and I looked down in defeat.

But wait! Somehow Mike didn’t claim one of the KO’s! Sudden Death ignited the screen, our audience, and my sweat glands. The crowd’s cheers died down as they observed us playing cautiously. Not one to wait patiently, I dashed over to him, faked, dashed in again, and shielded. Also not one to refuse food, I took a hot egg straight to the face. I then scampered away from him to regroup. Mike moved to the other side of the stage onto the left platform. Seeing an opening, I vanished from the right side of the screen to the left below him. I quickly executed an up-air that sent him to sparkle in the sky. (They say Mike has feared platforms ever since.) The crowd went wild and I left the room in disbelief. I don’t remember laying down in the hallway. My co-workers said they went to retrieve me for the awards, and my eyes were closed with my mouth settled into a huge smile. Remind me, who said I needed to jump with X or Y to be this good?

We took a few photos and this giant board was given to me as commemoration of my win. I humbly hung it on the outer wall of my cubicle.

Suck it, Mike.

I'll never forget that day. Over 15 years later, I continue to make new friends and unforgettable memories with Smash. This is a game that brings so many positive experiences to my life… Oh! I mentioned life-altering decisions early on, didn’t I? It also gave me two ex-boyfriends, and one of them stole many of my beloved video game systems. However, these are the good stories from Smash. Eventually, you start to forget the bad, and it’s only worth bringing back good memories from the past—especially for a game that’s made me so happy.

(Check out audio excerpts from The Super Sad Bros. at the bar down the street from my apartment.)