My Favorite Car

Narrator (female): All driving performed on open courses using a professional driver--

Neil, interrupting: That’s me, Neil Baloney! 

 

MY 16TH BIRTHDAY WAS THE BEST I EVER HAD

I GOT THE DOPEST PRESENT FROM MY MOM AND DAD

I PUT IN SO MANY HOURS OF DRIVER’S ED

ALL THOSE LAPS IN MARIO KART COUNT IN MY HEAD

MY FRIENDS LAUGH N SAY IT’S A HAND-ME-DOWN, A LOANER

BUT I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO’S A PT CRUISER OWNER

 

DRIVING DOWN THE STREET IN MY PRE-OWNED SET OF WHEELS

PASSING BY MY OLD MIDDLE SCHOOL, I GET ALL THE FEELS

NOW YOU’LL HAVE TO UPDATE THE CROSSING SIGN TO KIDS PAUSING

SOME DUDE PULLS UP IN A TWO SEATER CONVERTIBLE, HE’S STALLING

MERGING ONTO THE HIGHWAY, CHECK OUT THE SPEED LIMIT

PT BLAZES FROM 0 TO 60 IN [said quickly] ABOUT 5 TO 7 MINUTES

 

BRIDGE:

MY TOP’S DOWN HALFWAY, MY TRUNK SPACE’S WIDE, 

MY BUMPER STICKER SAYS PRECIOUS CARGO INSIDE 

MY PANELS ARE WOODEN, THEY GLISTEN IN THE SUN

I CAN FIT FIVE PEOPLE IN THE TRUNK, BEING DD IS A LOTTA FUN

THE BEETLE, THE MINI COOPER, JUST A BUNCH OF LOSERS

THE VIBE, THE CUBE, NONE MATCH THE MAJESTY OF MY PT CRUISER

 

CHORUS:

GOTTA POWERFUL ENGINE AND FRONT WHEEL DRIVE

PULLIN’ THROUGH THE DRIVE-THRU, HOLD THE HIGH FIVES

COMPACT SUV AND A TWO-DOOR CONVERTIBLE 

WHEN I’M ON THE ROAD, MY RIDE IS THE MOST DISCERNIBLE

1930S STYLING WITH A WOODIE PACKAGE

GLAD MOM DIDN’T GET THE FLAMES, THAT LOOK IS TOO SAVAGE

 

MY TRUNK SPACE IS WIDE, AND MY PANELS ARE WOODEN

MY TOP’S DOWN HALFWAY, TO AIR OUT THE SMELL OF URINE

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS MY PARENT’S CAR, YES THEY HAD A DOG

HIS NAME WAS LEROY AND HE WAS SHAPED LIKE A HOG

HE WAS SUCH A GOOD BOY, BUT HE HAD AN ACTIVE BLADDER

WE LIKE A CERTAIN BODY STYLE: THE WIDER, THE BETTER

 

FILLIN’ THE TANK UP, SPOTTED A BUNCH OF ONLOOKERS

GOTTA VACUUM THE INTERIOR OF ALL THE FLOOR SUGAR

CHECK OUT THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT

I GOT 45 NAPKINS, A NUTRIGRAIN BAR, AND A SINGLE GLOVE

[Chick at gas station] NEIL, IT’S A STATION WAGON, THROUGH AND THROUGH

EXCUSE ME, MISS? THAT’S A DREAM CRUISER TO YOU.

 

BRIDGE:

MY TOP’S DOWN HALFWAY, MY TRUNK SPACE’S WIDE, 

MY BUMPER STICKER SAYS PRECIOUS CARGO INSIDE 

MY PANELS ARE WOODEN, THEY GLISTEN IN THE SUN

I CAN FIT FIVE PEOPLE IN THE TRUNK, BEING DD IS A LOTTA FUN

THE AZTEC, THE THE BEETLE, JUST A BUNCH OF LOSERS

THE CYBER TRUCK, THE PROWLER, NONE MATCH THE MAJESTY OF MY PT CRUISER

 

CHORUS:

GOTTA POWERFUL ENGINE AND FRONT WHEEL DRIVE

PULLIN’ THROUGH THE DRIVE-THRU, HOLD THE HIGH FIVES

COMPACT SUV AND A TWO-DOOR CONVERTIBLE 

WHEN I’M ON THE ROAD, MY RIDE IS THE MOST DISCERNIBLE

1930S STYLING WITH A LEATHER INTERIOR

BECAUSE A CRUSHED VELVET FEEL IS SO MUCH SUPERIOR