CAST: Harry Jr. – 25, Christine – 34, Candice - 44, Mick - 41
EXT VIEW: Shot of office building with Honey Baked Ham Co. sign.
INT: Office setting, colleagues sitting around a table in a boardroom.
CANDICE
All right, team. We need a breakthrough ad campaign this year, so we’re open to pretty much any ideas to bring Honey Baked Ham back to table center this holiday season. I trust you all brainstormed and have some new, UNIQUE ideas. Mick, how about you go first?
MICK
OK, so picture this: Early Christmas morning, kids are still in bed, the wife resting peacefully. Husband tip-toes down the stairs prepared to nibble on the treat the kids left for Santa. That treat? A prime center ham slice, cured and smoked to honey-baked perfection. Dad takes a few bites, just enough to let the kids know that Santa was there, and he was very pleased. Santa’s a bit sloppy, though, so dad trickles some ham specks across the table and a sloppy squirt from his trusty pocket mustard, which is a festive holiday red. That’s right! We’re partnering with Heinz to make crimson mustard for Holiday 2021!
CANDICE
Oh, wow, Mick. Good stuff. Onto something with that red mustard. Gonna really throw the ketchup folks in a tizzy. Christine, what’ve you got?
CHRISTINE
OK, so picture this: We open to the nativity scene, the day that Jesus was born. The three wise men come in one by one, offering three gifts to Jesus’ mom and dad. The first, the gift of cheesy scalloped potatoes. The second, a green bean casserole with a french onion topper. The third, and final gift, a jar of cranberry gelatin, a delicacy even back in the BC. The Virgin Mary and Normal Joseph express their gratitude for the bountiful side dishes. Each dish is placed around the manger, and the camera pans above the manger revealing: BABY HAM JESUS. He was the savior all along.
CANDICE
Christine, sweet Sunday sermon that was moving. And I venture we’ll move some hams, too! Great work as always. OK, Harry, I know it’s your first pitch meeting, but you’ve got this.
HARRY
Um… Yes, I’m not sure I fully understood the assignment, but here we go: So, the video opens on the foyer of a barely decorated home. It pans to the hallway, equally bare, and then to the living room, with just a couch, a floor lamp, and a TV. It shows a man staring blankly at the TV. The doorbell rings, he gets up, walks--broken and defeated--toward the door. He opens it, his friend smiling and he’s got a golden-wrapped ham in hand.
CANDICE
Harry, let me stop you right there. I know you’ve only been at this agency a short time, but what was that? Did you even look at the deck?
HARRY
Yeah, I mean, I guess I was trying to elicit the feeling of coming to a friend in need during the holidays.
CANDICE
Christine, can you tell me what’s missing from Harry’s pitch?
CHRISTINE
Hmmm… Harry, I guess the question is, how are you gonna leave out the star player, the award winner, the VIP? And where’s the intrigue?
HARRY
The friend is carrying a ham. I guess it’s not mysterious.
CHRISTINE
HAROLD!! Please tell me this isn’t your only pitch today.
HARRY
Well, yeah… I mean, no, no. I can come up with something. OK, picture this: A little boy is… waiting in line for Santa at the mall with his… mom and dad, yeah! And the kid in front hops off Santa, giddy with excitement having told Santa her Christmas wishes. The little boy quietly approaches Santa, and climbs upon his knee. “HO-HO-HO, little one. What would YOU like for Christmas this year,” Santas exclaims. The boy shakes his head and looks to his parents. They nod to the boy, the mom mouthing “believe.” The boy says, “Well, Santa…” and he whispers into Ol’ Saint Nick’s ear. Santa gasps, a tear falling down his cheek. “I think… I think that can be arranged.” Fast-forward to Christmas morning with the little boy approaching the family room--the gifts are out, and the stockings full. Santa arrived. As the boy scans the room, there’s one GIANT stocking dripping. He grabs the stocking and dumps it on the floor. It was filled with a 10-lb honey baked ham. He rejoices and gives the ham a hug. The little boy looks out the window. We see Santa driving away in the honey baked ham van. That’s right, we’re delivering ON Christmas day in collaboration with Fed-ex.
CHRISTINE
Whoa. Harry, I only have one comment.
HARRY
A- and what is that?
CHRISTINE
Honey Baked Ham is going to be the Tickle Me Elmo of the season.
[cuts to end screen of Toys R Us catalog with a honey baked ham on the cover]
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