SAN MATEO, CA—Tensions reached a high at the downtown office of Nash & Banger Law when senior partner Frank Nash, 44, joked about losing five pounds after his morning BM during a meeting. “Look, I get that it may have seemed like five pounds, but it’s impossible,” said colleague Sandy Peets, 35. “First, there are no scales in the work bathroom. Is he bringing in some portable scale from home? Second, I brought in a portable scale from home to test the theory. I didn’t lose any weight, and I somehow gained a pound. Everyone’s telling me it’s muscle mass, but I’m not so sure.”
Peets wasn’t the only colleague frustrated by Nash’s lies. Nash’s partner of 15 years, Cliff Banger, threatened to break up the law office. “Frank knows I’m trying to lose weight right now. For him to dangle such an enticing weight-loss story with no evidence just boggles me. How come the toilets are running just fine, huh?”
The American Bar Association is currently reviewing Nash’s law license, and he may be subject to passing both a moral character evaluation and an ethics examination. The only way Nash can clear his name is if a witness comes forward to corroborate the claim that he did indeed drop a five-pound BM.
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