Mario and the Errpig Trifecta

Unlike time-traveling history games, Mario has been featured in a few different RPG spin-offs over the years. In 1995, Square shepherded in what I consider one of the best video games of all time: Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars (hereafter called SMRPG). There was never a true sequel, but two other series emerged from the void left by SMRPG: the Paper Mario and Mario & Luigi series. I kept up with the Paper Mario series as it closely resembled SMRPG, but I neglected the Mario & Luigi series until the past year. What would cause a Mario RPG fan to ignore a string of games for so long? I'm sure being most studious in college was related. Let's dig deeper. Let's start where the Mario RPG affair began.

Back in 1995, I was at the pinnacle of my coloring within the lines ability. I entered a coloring contest for the movie Far From Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog at Orland Video—a local Blockbuster of sorts. A few weeks later, my entry won the grand prize of either a new dog (Yellow Dog?!) or 100 free rentals at Orland Video. Since my family was already boasting a limit of two with the dogs Maggie and Ginger, my mom sent the new dog to the pound. I'm kidding! What do you think—my mom is a monster? We chose the rentals instead. Initially I was disappointed with the choice, and then I realized Orland Video had a video game section. That coveted section my mom deterred me from during each trip. I had a better chance browsing the back room than the game row. But this newfound power to rent whatever I wanted was mine thanks to sensational crayon-wielding skills. My days outside were numbered, and my family was at the whim of free rentals being held over their head. "Katie, can we please rent While You Were Sleeping?" they asked. I allowed it. Sandra Bullock was a delight—congenially speaking—and I needed rides to the store.

These rentals were a great opportunity to check out games that were outside my library: Doom, Mega Man X, Kirby Super Star, Mario is Missing!, and more. (Postmortem for Mario is Missing!: "Let's cut our losses have Luigi investigate mansions instead.") Through all these trials, there was one game on shelf that I rented over and over again: Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. I...adored that game. I remember playing through it over and over again. I searched every nook, cranny, and monster fanny to ensure I experienced everything the world had to offer. You know what's cool when you're 10? Hanging out at Grate Guy's Casino. You know what's cooler when you're 10? Dreaming of hustling Toads for frog coins.

At the end of my 100 rentals, I rented SMRPG approximately 20 times. My rental total exceeded the cost of purchasing the game, and somehow I didn't know what RPG meant. I pronounced it “errpig” for...some time. I appealed to the clerk to give me Super Mario Errpig based on my feat, and to protect my precious save files. I was sent away and never saw that cartridge again...

(I have since acquired another cartridge of SMRPG, but the game was impossible to find at the end of the Super Nintendo generation.) 

I moved on (no, I didn't) and played whatever game I was given for Christmas or my birthday. A couple years later and convinced I had a game addiction, my mom cut me off. (My mom is a monster!) That decision marked the beginning of a dark era. I needed to independently fuel my habit somehow. Being a 12-year-old with few profitable skills besides coloring within lines, I had no choice but to get out on the streets. I went door to door with my "Babysitter for Hire" signs and procured a few clients. Strategically chosen by the size of their homes, surely these people splurged on the latest and greatest toys for their kids. They all had one thing in common...that one system I wanted so badly: the Nintendo 64. I probably babysat their kids, I absolutely played their video games, and I got closer to my goal of raising $300 for a Nintendo 64. 

About every six months I was able to buy a new game on my babysitting funds. My dad—seeing how motivated I was by my hobby—would surprise me with a new game on my birthday or Christmas. On one occasion, my dad and I were driving home from the grocery store and he says, "Hey, can you look in the glove box and grab something for me?" I popped it open and a mysterious, colorful box dropped onto my lap: Paper Mario. Now remember, at the turn of the millennium, we were at the whim of the AOL overlords, dial-up, and kids had rules about being in front of a screen with internet access for a reasonable amount of time. I did not know what Paper Mario was–the spiritual successor to Mario Paint? Reading the back of the box, I discovered it was an errpig like SMRPG. I ran with the surprise game up to my room and dropped the Paper Mario cartridge in my Nintendo 64 so hard Square felt the money slip through their fingers.  

Much like its predecessor, at its core Paper Mario was a traditional RPG with action, puzzle, stealth (you're a real solid snake, Peach), and platforming elements. I was once again immersed in an expansive and unique game world, filled with interesting characters, an entertaining battle system, beautiful music (Shooting Star Summit!), challenging levels, clever puzzles, and all set to an epic story where Mario collects Star Spirits to save his dearly kidnapped.  

A few years later, a new Mario RPG game entered the scene: Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga (hereafter called MLSS). I played it over Christmas break during my Freshman year of college. And I finally beat the game 13 years later this past weekend. What's with the delay? What happened to that Mario RPG passion? Well, I'm going back through my game library, finding those games that I started, and ultimately left behind. Sort of like a "no game left behind" act, but one that's wholly and honestly effective. 

Here are my thoughts on MLSS.

Story: Princess Peach greets ambassadors from the Beanbean Kingdom, only to fall victim to their ruse. Her voice stolen and replaced with explosive emoticons—it's up to Mario and Luigi to retrieve her voice. Traversing Beanbean Kingdom leads the Mario Bros. to a cola factory, a spooky school, an airport, even a Mushroom Kingdom immigrant’s community. A very eclectic set of destinations each with its own unique inhabitants. The story was fun, credible, and dramatically meaningful. MLSS is a journey worth completing. 

Characters: One highlight of the Mario RPG family is the quirky characters, and MLSS doesn't stray from this element. The Mario Bros. are a lovable duo. Mario is brave and ready to take on any challenge; Luigi is a bit hesitant, but able to summon courage to confront his fears. Luigi stood out to me this game as a multi-dimensional character. He would interact more with the NPC’s: poking at their bean skin and shaking his butt taunting them. These unique traits gave him a goofy, relatable personality that I looked forward to seeing more of during cut scenes. Those traits were reserved for cut scenes, however, and in battle he was just as capable as his brother. Mario's role aligned with the silent (actually, one with few words) protagonist—a neutral avatar in the game.  

The NPC’s stick to a more one-dimensional definition. The main antagonist, Cackletta, is hell-bent on taking over the world by any means necessary, and is obviously annoyed by the Mario Bros. resistance. Fawful is Cackletta's dedicated minion with a memorable personality. He has fury, he has metaphors, and he has speech patterns I wish I could produce impromptu: "At last, my entrance with drama!" 

Gameplay: I have a love-hate relationship with random encounters, so I'm glad MLSS sticks with enemy patrols in the game world. The enemy design was fantastic with each having multiple move sets that proved challenging to anticipate and counter. The bosses were worthy of their boss status. I qualify that by swallowing my pride, and admitting I did die a couple times (just…a couple). Also, I was very excited to see the Koopalings return in this game—especially Iggy with his fruit loop mop. I know he's a palm tree now, but the glasses and rainbow blast really worked for him. 

The turn-based battle system felt similar to Paper Mario, but added a level of complexity; namely, the individual button inputs for Mario and Luigi took some adjusting. In battle, Mario is A and Luigi is B, and only those buttons work for each brother. If you make an incorrect selection on Mario's turn, you can't back out by pressing B. You must cycle off the "Execute" command onto the "Back" command with A. The most challenging part for me was on defense against enemies that would attack at different paces...at random towards the Mario Bros. I had to remember to dodge with the right button, at the right moment, which proved a challenge when the pace varied. About five hours into the game, I felt acclimated with the controls and was able to take action in battle without too much thought. A minute to learn, a lifetime to master. Thanks Mario, Luigi, and Othello! 

In addition to the battle inputs, familiarizing myself to cycle through each of the unique field skills on the shoulder buttons also hindered me. Many of the challenges in the game require you to go through a sequence of actions unique to each brother. By the end of the game, I still hadn't memorized the action cycle order, and wished I had a controller with twice the inputs.  

One challenge that I think needed more polish was the Peach escort mission in Teehee Valley. Your goal is to guard Peach while navigating the level until you reach the destination. At one point you have to travel across the screen with her on two different land masses while jumping, changing the actions of each bro (high jumps, spiral jumps, and barrel jumps all require different button sequences), and executing quickly so she doesn't walk off the screen. A couple times I cycled through the actions incorrectly, and Peach would go off the main screen, getting instantly captured and placed several screens away. I felt that was too punishing for not executing the sequence correctly. Also, I couldn't interrupt the kidnapping despite being in the enemy's path, which was equally frustrating. Surely if the player was able to assign hot keys (on a Gameboy, yes, I know I'm out of scope here) or disable certain choices, they could better cycle through the actions needed for each challenge. The game designers crammed a lot of different challenges into this game, and it shows when I was still adapting halfway through the game. 

Level Design: There were a couple levels I felt could use improvement. Teehee Valley for the aforementioned reason, and Stardust Fields which is the tutorial level of the game. Your objective is to collect 100 coins. It takes...a decent chunk of time to get through this, and I recall this area as one of the reasons I abandoned the game 13 years ago. (There it is). I felt I was farming money and not in a fun, grass-slashing, rupee-materializing sort of way. Despite that, I think almost every other level entertained. 

Sound: The music was fitting for this game. All the battle themes are catchy, but the boss battle music is the superstar of this soundtrack. Outside the battle grounds, the final level boasted the most interesting background music, and thankfully so since you spend well over an hour playing through it. The level prior to that had a Lavender Town-like sound to it, which gives you the intended eerie vibe. After a couple hours of hearing it, I felt I was going crazy, and likely my neighbors thought I was based on my music selection. Also, the addition of some Mario game melodies helped make the world of Beanbean Kingdom feel familiar. Solid soundtrack, despite nothing striking me as selections I need to add to my game music playlist. 

Final Thoughts: I love SMRPG, and the first two Paper Mario games are extraordinary additions to the Mario RPG family. MLSS too is an excellent addition to this family. That said, if there is one collaboration I yearn for, it's Square (-Enix) and Nintendo. I will not give up on you Super Mario Errpig 2! 

Small Talk Gone Too Far: The Weather

I don’t like the weather here. The atmosphere in the Bay Area bores me. There’s the most pretentious weather statement ever said. I look up at the sky and wish the clearness would be blotted out. I want clouds, rain, wind, snow, lightning, and all the elements commanding my attention. Many people believe the weather in this area is perfect. But it’s not my perfect.

I remember the frigid, grey months of Chicago. I hated the cold, and yet I loved it for the benefits. Snow days were a right in the north for withstanding the chill every winter. You deal with the freeze and get sporadically rewarded with a day free from school. We’d build snowmen, leap from the roof into the snow piles below, and erect snow forts. Of course, snow forts commonly led to snow ball fights where one last man stood victor. DA KING O’ THA NORF!

My Southern and Californian friends ask me how I can tolerate the cold. Strangely, something that influenced me was “The Legend of Zelda.”  When it grew so cold I felt like cooping myself inside, I thought of Link’s adventures to the likes of the Ice Cavern and Snowhead. That poor kid is wearing a tunic, belt, boots--that likely aren’t snow-resistant--and the determination to not give a shit about the elements. He shivers and sneezes like me, but he doesn’t complain about it. So as weird as it sounds, Link is my inspiration to grin and bear it. Perhaps there simply wasn’t enough time to make alternate weather costumes in a Nintendo 64 game.

When I was younger, I enjoyed watching The Weather Channel. My favorite segment was the top of the hour version of "Local on the 8s" because they played an extended music track--a track so good that I choreographed dances to it. Friends would come over to visit, and I excitedly performed my sweet stormin' moves. But they never came back... I’m not sure if it was because of my interpretive weather dancing, but my grandma always said I should be a “weather girl.” You may know the profession as meteorologist. To this day, Grandma wishes I pursued a career in tracking storms from the safety of a newsroom. When the weather segment comes on she says, "Katie, that should be you up there making it rain." Well, she said it in a more grandmotherly way. Truth is, she’s not very punny. That joke is unforgivable… Yes, let’s commit to it together since you got this far.

After living in Illinois most my life, I moved to North Carolina after college and experienced weather novelty. North Carolina had similar seasons, although not nearly as extreme as Chicago’s range. The first deviation from the norm came in the form of a hurricane named Humberto. Based on the news I remembered about hurricanes, I braced myself for a super storm…and I received a few days of somber drizzles. Turns out hurricanes lose momentum the further they travel across land and up the Atlantic. With no desire to migrate further south to test the power of hurricanes, I continued to explore North Carolina for a few more years.

For those that haven’t ventured south of the Mason-Dixon Line, North Carolina is a hot state with humid summers. I learned my lesson when I sat on the black leather seat of my car. It had baked in 110 degree heat during the workday and gave me a sizzling surprise down yonder since I was wearing a skirt. Thereafter, I kept a bun-protecting blanket in my car after burning my cheeks to the first-degree. This wasn’t the first time I burnt my ass on something. The first butt-burn was second-degree level—and a story for another day…

Another interesting facet of North Carolina’s weather spectrum is the statewide reaction to snow. Winters are brief, and yet temperatures can dip below freezing on occasion. During my first December in North Carolina, I experienced a traditional Southern apocalypse that was marked by nearly three inches of snow on a Saturday evening. Three inches of snow in the north is considered a dusting, but in North Carolina it’s like that game where the floor is lava. In this case, the whole world is lava and don’t leave your house because God just poured freezing kryptonite onto the Earth. My friends planned to come to my place that night, and they presumed the shindig was off since they can’t (wouldn’t) drive in the snow. I won’t let a li’l frost dampen my hootenanny. I hit the road, and boy, if three inches of snow would always clear a path for me, I’d strap an industrial snow machine to myself. To further prove the state’s inability to handle snow, snow days were announced for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at school. Because of this, I believe the state only deploys one snow truck to clean the roads.

After leaving North Carolina in 2010, I lived in New York for a year. I can report that the weather there is fine. Until it gets real hot on garbage day and the city smells like a Fish Egg McMuffin. Not lovin’ that, Manhattan. Anyway, I’m more of a hot cakes and sausage fan. Fill my city with the scent of cheap carbs and meats.

For a few years, I returned to Illinois. The most notable weather event was in 2014. The news reported air so cold that you would be in danger of frost-bite if you were outside longer than 5-10 minutes. My employer at the time not so gently suggested that we should be in the office regardless of the air being characterized as deadly. I figured if I’m going to risk life and limb getting to work, I may as well equip myself properly. I donned the onesie a friend convinced me to buy. I suppose it was its destiny: to protect me from the chilly weather in public. That said, I was wearing multiple other layers for my trek to the office. But the big reveal, oh, it was glorious. I consider myself quite the fashionista, and this was downright tacky; I showed up to work in head-to-toe white fleece dotted with cat heads. I’m not even a cat-person—I’m a principle person.

Soon a new opportunity beckoned to me, and I ripped off my onesie to travel to the west coast. I found myself in Redwood City, California. I visited Los Angeles and Irvine before and did like the beach weather, but I soon realized how different Northern California was from its Southern counterpart. Before I moved, I bought a pair of periwinkle rain boots and anticipated their debut at the next rainfall. After a few months of sun, I asked a colleague if it ever rained. She said it rarely did, and when it rained, it was during the winter months, maybe a handful of times. Now, I’m not about to revive my childhood rain-dancing, but I quite like the sound and smell of rain. It’s also a soothing sleep aide. It’s also a nice temporary cleaner for my car. Why did I get a white car? I don’t care what anyone says—white is the worst car color to keep clean. I found myself missing the pitter-patter, the clean smell, the umbrella-less people racing to their destination while squealing.

Speaking of things that fall from the sky, you can forget snow in the Bay Area. The winter season is marked by Christmas lights hanging from palm trees and homeless camps. Your snow fix can be satisfied by Tahoe, but how often can you make a 5-hour journey just to reset your cold, bitter heart? Also, not sure when I’ll be invited up to my friend’s cabin after I brought Jameson to a sophisticated whiskey party. I’ll go take shots for everyone in the corner…

It’s been almost two and a half years since moving here. Of all the places I lived, the Bay Area is my least favorite. There are other, more significant factors that come into play besides weather, but ultimately I learned that you should love the place you live. Besides your home and office, the world that surrounds you should do so in a way that completes the package. I thought about what my perfect living situation would be:

• A beach-side cabana house overlooking the ocean with a canopy bed and floor-to-ceiling windows that give me the idea of nature. Bugs eat me up like I’m the Kobe beef of people.

• A secluded cabin on the mountain with a hot tub and drone food delivery service.

• A hot-air balloon to soar the skies and land wherever I need to go. I like the idea of me expanding real estate into the skies.

·       I want my family and friends with me; they’re all scattered across the states, though. If I could, I would squeeze them all into a regional bubble. I suppose I have friends in many places because I’ve never put roots down anywhere. Maybe that means I haven’t found MY home yet.

This talk of weather turned me a bit sentimental. Weather is one of the many things that make me feel at home. The Bay Area cannot give that to me. Perhaps if the area felt like home in other ways, I wouldn’t focus so much on what it can’t give me and focus on what it does give me. I’ve made some great friends, but there’s something missing, and I don’t think I will find it here under another mild sky. My sky is cold and hot. It’s dry and rainy. It’s still and moving. It’s calm and chaos. But until I find myself under that sky again, I should find peace with the one I have.

A Race to Remember

This is a first-person narrative from my perspective of Link in “The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask.” At the outset of the game, the Skull Kid ambushes Link, steals his ocarina, and rides away on Epona. When Link catches up to him, the Skull Kid casts a spell on Link that turns him into a wooden Deku Scrub. This story in no way reflects the opinion of my employer.

No! Epona! That kid took my horse!

I can’t keep up with him like this. My legs feel stiff. 

I need to move faster, but I can't...

I-I’m flying?

What happened to me?

I won’t give up. Not after how far I came to find my friend…

As I chased after the masked child, I stumbled upon a twisted tree standing alone among the barren landscape. The grooves in the bark formed a sad expression. I should hurry and catch that kid, but something felt wrong. I’m no stranger to human-like trees, but why was this one here? I don’t know what to do… I’ll try to come back.

…

The Deku King's butler was kind to me. I’m not sure why, but I felt comfortable in his presence. It’s as if I knew him long before my journey to help the Southern Swamp. After the princess and I returned from the temple, he invited me to a nearby shrine. I jumped from rock-to-rock effortlessly as if I had crossed the path many times in my life. At the entrance, I gazed back at the clear water. The swamp was poisoned by a curse; now, the reflection was so pure the surrounding paintings danced on the surface. I looked closer and a face appeared in the water. Eyes burning as bright as Din's Fire. A grin that screamed without making a sound. I looked up at the moon, and felt my heart grow heavy.

I saw a light flickering in the distance as I entered the shaded hall. Walking towards the light, I wondered why the butler wanted to meet in this murky place. Clutching an umbrella and a candle, he thanked me for joining him. With a quick snap he opened his umbrella, urged me to follow, and dashed into the darkness.

I struggled to keep up with him since the path was confusing. My feet moved faster as I heard doors slam shut seconds after I passed. I sprinted down a long hallway, only to be stopped by a dead end painted with a snarky expression. A Mad Scrub offered nothing but a blank stare as I reoriented myself. What sort of shrine is this? I heard the crackling of the butler’s candle to my left, and sprinted in its direction. 

I found myself into a giant room as walls of bright, orange flames ignited around me. The sparks scorched the hair on my skin as warning. I jumped across sawed-off treetops, barely clearing each gap as I caught a glimpse of the endless chasm. Navigating the misty chambers became more difficult when the smell of rotting flowers engulfed my nose. If there was ever a time to lose my sense of smell, this was it. I continued to chase the fading light, and met him at the end.

I couldn’t believe how fast the butler was—and by means of umbrella! He congratulated me for keeping up as he handed a gift to me. The butler said it was a tradition for him to race his son in this shrine. However, his son left home recently and never returned. Racing with me reminded him of times gone by. He asked my forgiveness for the abrupt race. I shrugged it off and smiled.

I started my journey back to Clock Town with gift in hand. A pig-faced mask with the ability to detect unique scents will hopefully come in handy. Who would want that kind of power?

Exhausted from the race still, I sat down to look at the stars above the horizon. The moon stared back at me, and I closed my eyes. There would be no peace until this horror was removed from the sky. How many days…hours do we have?

I wonder what the butler will do now. If I see his son during my travels, I’ll let him know his dad is waiting for him.