Part IV - The End of 2014

What Are Your Goals? 

Around October, a meeting was planned with Greg Everage to discuss my short- and long-term career goals. I chatted with Cindy and the department admin about how those meetings work, and they mentioned that it was a chance to discuss how you want to grow in your role and in the company with your supervisor. I planned to discuss the positives (however few there were), the current disparity between my daily tasks and the job description, and also what opportunities I'd like to have.

For my current role, I mentioned to Greg that I wanted the chance to lead some projects. He told me I wasn’t ready, and when I asked what I needed to be ready, he told me “in time.” When I pushed further, he continued to repeat himself. At that point, I grew frustrated (a common feeling). What I was asking for, was the chance to do what was in the job description. So, I decided to take a gamble: If there was no room for me to do what I signed up for, and no timeline of when I could, why not discuss other aspirations?

When we got into long-term career goals, I mentioned since my passion is the company's games, I would be interested in getting closer to the product to utilize those skills. I told Greg I could see myself working in product marketing or a position where I could more readily use my storytelling skills. I was met with hostility: “I don’t want to waste my time training you. It’s a lot of effort to invest, and I’d rather have someone that wants this long-term. Why did you apply to this job? Why didn’t you apply to those roles? If those hiring managers came down right now and offered you a job, you’d leave. Training is a lot of work—I don’t think you realize. I’d rather you leave sooner than later so I don’t waste my time.” I kept reiterating that I wanted to learn and grow in my current role, but I was not receiving opportunities to do so. This was absolutely true. I WANTED the job I applied for; I did NOT want the job he devolved mine into. 

Thereafter, this was a source of tension between us. Greg was convinced I accepted my current role as an "in" for the company. It wasn't that. My survival instinct was kicking in, and I desperately wanted to get away from him. I worked for a nightmare boss at my dream company.

The Department Code Incident

This situation is a bit difficult to describe in writing, but I'll do my best.

• In early November 2014, Greg went up to Washington for a video shoot. In advance of that trip, Cindy trained me how to create an account from the department budget for him to use for video shoot related items (think: staffing, resources, materials, props, etc.). 
• The morning of the shoot, Greg emailed Gloria in the contracts department asking for his department's codes. She expressed that she didn't have that information, stating that he should have and should know this information. Gloria suggested he ask Cindy, since she formerly was the department admin.
• Greg then emailed both Cindy and me asking for "the department code" to pay for his breakfast. At that time, I was in the restroom, so Cindy sent the code she presumed he wanted, expressing that the department generally reimburses meals--they don't approve budgets for that purpose.
• Greg insisted what she sent was wrong, asking her for a different code...and my whereabouts. 
• When I returned to my desk, I saw the back and forth. I walked over to ask the office accountant, Dan, describing what was going on and what Cindy already sent. Dan said while she wasn't wrong, the company preferred reimbursing and gave me that suggestion.
• I typed up Dan's suggestion and sent that over to Greg.
• Greg said that he didn’t want to do that, and that I needed to get the right code. 
• I talked to Dan again, and he mentioned the only code--and only other option--is what Cindy initially shared. Saying Greg should talk to him instead of me acting as middleman (finally, someone with some sense).
• I sent Dan's second recommendation to Greg (here are the only two options: reimburse or use this code) with Dan's phone number, saying if he needed further clarity, it'd be best for them to chat directly. 
• At this point, my phone rang. It was Greg. He asked what was so hard about his request. He asked why I couldn't understand simple questions. He said I wasn’t doing my basic job responsibilities. And to that point, he said he received feedback from the team that I was not meeting expectations. He was displeased that I didn't have the answers I should.
• Hearing all that hurt my insides. But I let him finish without interruption.
• When Greg was done telling me the ways I failed him and the team, I stated that we should focus on the current situation.
• I explained to Greg that I wasn’t made aware before that very morning that I needed to know the codes. And when I'm expected to provide him information ASAP, I’m not given any heads-up beforehand. Because of that, I have to track down the correct info from the proper channels, which takes time. 
• I further explained that I would keep the codes on hand for the future; however, what Greg asked for was against the norm, so yes, I needed to get Dan's recommendations, both of which Greg refused. There were no other answers to provide.
• Greg didn't acknowledge anything I said. Instead he told me, word for word: "I need you to stop bugging Cindy." He continued, saying Cindy shouldn’t be answering questions I should have answers to. He said, "It's not her job to do yours."
• I was shocked. I was confused. This was HIS request! And all three of us gave him the answers, multiple times, and he still wasn't satisfied.
• I felt my eyes well up. I couldn't stop the pain from manifesting physically. I couldn't hold back my frustration. 
• I took a deep breath, telling Greg I understood but didn't agree with his assessment, adding that we would have to chat later. 
• I hung up my office phone. I grabbed my cell phone. I stood up, feeling weight that wasn't gravity bogging me down. I walked down the hall, passing dozens of employees. I tried to maintain a poker face, but a few of my colleagues saw the tears that already trailed down my cheeks. Once I got to the exit, I ran. I ran into the parking lot, down the street, away...away. 
• I laid down in the field across from the office park. It was all dirt, but I didn't care. I needed respite. I stared at the sky. I had no thoughts in my head, I just wanted peace.
• Soon, Greg started calling my cell phone: one, two, three times, emailing me to call him back. I needed space, but he wouldn’t give it to me. He was texting me to call him and not make a big deal out of it.

A couple days later, Greg summoned Cindy and me into his office. He said that the situation the other day was an embarrassment for the team, and he heard I cried. I acknowledged that I did, saying it was frustrating and upsetting trying to figure out what he wanted. Greg responded saying he was disappointed that I cried because it gave a bad impression of the team. I asked him who told him I cried, and he said "everyone, the whole office knows you cried." 

He didn’t apologize for how he handled the situation. He didn't own up that HE was the reason everyone was so confused and frustrated. He reiterated that I wasn't meeting expectations, and said that I needed to stop asking Cindy for help and start finding answers on my own. He encouraged her to agree with him. She said she was sorry that there is no formal training or guides, but fulfilling Greg's requests was part of the job and I needed to accept it. 

I could hardly stomach the conversation. I employed my usual coping mechanism: staring at the wall, nodding quietly, smiling softly, reminding myself that this was my dream...twisted as the reality was.

As I walked out of his office, I decided to reach out to HR. I was done being being bullied by Greg Everage. Well, I wanted to be done...

Initially, my experience with the HR department went well enough. They seemed genuinely concerned by the bullying that I brought to their attention and that job clarity and training were lacking. Here were the action items (such corporate speak, I know):

• Confirm job description and update responsibilities as appropriate. 
• Greg worked with HR on this. My job title was changed to Creative Video Specialist. Greg told me I was now the project manager for the video team in Washington. 
• I told him I was up for the challenge but presented the caveat that I was not experienced with video work and would need training. 
• That guidance—to understand and manage video pre-production, production, and post-production—came in the usual form of being CC’ed on emails. When I asked for more learning tools, he gave me a college textbook about video production from 1998.
• The new expectation, in addition to the admin duties, was to manage video shoots, with zero experience nor the opportunity to attend the actual production. In my three years, I attended one video shoot as Creative Video Specialist, out of the 20+ that occurred. I was responsible for managing each video shoot beginning to end, despite the hurdle of getting close to no on-site experience.

Unlike the job clarity, HR did not respond to any of my bullying complaints in writing. They did, however, mention that they would directly work with Greg on that topic. Over time, I found that topic was not properly addressed, as my working environment grew more hostile in 2015.

Next up: 2015 Bits and Pieces.

Part III - Till the (First) Breaking Point in 2014

A few months into my job, non-admin tasks started to come my way—and it was difficult. I received no background, no training, no info. Everything I learned came from my own research and digging. I struggled. You expect a support system to get on your feet, and I received little to no guidance. 

Exhausting my requests to Greg, I asked his boss, Teresa, if there was any information that could assimilate me to my duties. She accused me of expecting my hand to be held. I expected...guidance. Give me the general structure of my duties and responsibilities, and I can fill the gaps. My four remote colleagues had been with the company for many years; Cindy had been with the company for two years. I was green in every sense of the color. Teresa's advice was to "manage up." I understand now that she was frustrated that Greg was not--and not capable of--managing employees, let alone himself. And me coming to complain about his lack of leadership and training pointed out the obvious, an obvious she preferred to ignore.

A text I sent to my sister about my frustration in the first few months on the job:

I have to keep my head up and assure myself that this is temporary. This whole thing…I feel like I wasn't setup to succeed. I think I almost had an anxiety attack… No, I did. Greg is VERY scatter-brained, so it's difficult to manage your manager when he faults you for not understanding him. Cindy is doing OK. She's overwhelmed too, but said she’s learned to adapt to the chaos. 

After enough confusion regarding what my short- and long-term responsibilities were, I reached out to Greg with a firm request for help. I told him I was unclear about what my tasks were and how to execute them. I requested training and a plan, stating that he would need to assist me in establishing that clarity. I suggested using the job description as a guide, and Greg said that it was no longer correct (this is around September, my fourth month), and I shouldn't refer to it at all. He said he would need to revise it to be accurate, as my job changed.

Me in 2014 during work hours.

Around this time, his true nature started to come forth. For those who knew him at face value, Greg was a chummy, goofy man--that was the person I interviewed with. I learned there was a defensive, insecure, and condescending person below the facade, especially if things didn’t go his way.

A Skype message from Cindy: 

"He has a bad habit of wanting to have brain diarrhea all over you so he can shift the responsibility. I hate that… "

It’s hard to capture all the bullying instances without sufficient context. Here are some notes:

• In August, after not completing the first draft of an assignment the way Greg envisioned, he asked me, "Do you really want this job? Do you want to be here? Because your work demonstrates that you don't.” I assured him that I wanted to be there, with him repeating that I wasn't proving that to him. Upon hearing that, I feared I was going to be fired and worked through the weekend to hopefully meet his expectations.
• During a meeting, I noticed Greg didn’t understand the industry jargon someone said and whispered to him in layman's terms what they were talking about. He shushed me.
• During a meeting with two colleagues running a video campaign, I made a suggestion. Greg paused, chuckled, and continued to speak, ignoring what I said. When I asked him if he heard me, he said, "Yes, I heard you, and it's being ignored." Both colleagues came to talk to me afterward saying they were sorry and were made uncomfortable by the way he spoke to me. I confronted him about this later, and he told me to only speak in meetings if I discuss with him what I'll say beforehand. 
• As I mentioned before, Greg told me multiple times not to speak to colleagues without him being present. And a bit further: He demanded that I should never have meetings without him in any circumstance. If he wasn't in a meeting (say, he was late), my only objective was to find him. If I attended a meeting without Greg, he would intimidate me into agreeing that I was wrong and didn't do everything in my power to help him get to that meeting.
• If Greg needed to talk to me and I wasn’t at my desk, he would search the building for me. He had chased me down in other people’s cubes, in the kitchen, and once waited outside the women's restroom for me to come out. I was always on high alert.
• I was told point blank "stop typing and pay attention" while I was taking notes during a meeting on my computer. I showed him I was taking notes, and thereafter, he said I should only bring a pad of paper and a pen to meetings since being on my computer while he spoke was disrespectful to his time.
• One day, Greg and I had a meeting at 1 o'clock. I returned to my computer at 12:55 and it wasn't turning on. I grabbed my laptop, brought it to his office, and asked if he could call into the phone conference for both of us since my computer was acting up. He said, "I shouldn't be doing this. I don't want to ever have to do this again. You should have been prepared." He made me come around to his desk and input the numbers because it wasn't his job to dial into calls for me.
• He kept emailing my personal email account (and other Katie's/Kate's/Katherine's in the company) and blamed me for it happening. He accused me of phantom emailing him from my personal email account, and then switching back to my work email. After several instances and finger pointing, an IT associate and I confirmed he simply wasn’t checking email addresses as they auto-populated. IT had to remove my personal email from his address book because even knowing why it was happening, he kept doing it--and kept blaming me.
• One day, Cindy and I went out to lunch together. When we returned, we both had multiple emails from Greg asking where we were. I had a meeting with him soon and told her I would take care of it. He berated me for being gone without telling him and that he couldn’t be productive without help from one of us. He said that from now on if we planned to go on lunch together, we had to get his approval.
• One terrible habit he had was taking both business and personal phone calls during our 1-on-1 meetings. This would range from a couple minutes to 20-30 minutes of time. “Oh, this is my dad,” and he would take the call, insisting that I stay. I’d get up to leave and he’d gesture to me to sit down. If I continued to approach the door, he’d pause his phone calls and command me not to leave. I would stare at the wall. I would stare, frozen: "This is your dream job. This is your dream. This is what you wanted..."
• I found out it wasn't just me getting this treatment: A colleague told me that Greg made two female co-workers cry earlier that month over project disputes. I witnessed him bring Cindy to tears, with her body visibly trembling over a task that she was uncomfortable with. She insisted that the task was not appropriate for her, and he would not relent. It was late in the day, and so to separate herself from the argument, she went to practice yoga and meditate. When Cindy came back, she called me out to the parking lot to tell me she was OK and just needed space to cool off.

Over time, this norm at work wore on me physically and mentally. My hair started to fall out in clumps and my doctor prescribed me anti-anxiety medicine specifically to manage working for Greg. I was…ashamed. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I handle this situation and stand up to him? What was happening to my self-worth, my confidence, my joy?

In October and November, there were two incidents that pushed me over the edge. That edge: reaching out to HR.

Next up: The End of 2014.