Part X - Escape From Shit Mountain

How About Some Future Job Sabotage? 

I started browsing other jobs within the company about six months after I started. I think when you’re unhappy with a situation (it being toxic and all), you can’t help but look for ways out. Looking toward a better future was partially how I stayed sane. My job was demoted to a personal assistant, I was bullied constantly, I was insulted and made to feel guilty because of my medical appointments and injuries—seeking out hope was a necessity for survival. However, I was so focused on getting out, I often lost sight of how to properly position myself. I made sloppy mistakes in my desperation, and a couple opportunities slipped before they had a chance to stand.

 

When my colleague, Cindy, posted her two-week notice in the fall of 2016, my need to get out grew urgent. I was tasked with all of her responsibilities, working my job, and as far as Greg Everage was concerned, still being his assistant. About a month after she left, I saw a job posting that interested me. When I asked confidantes if it would be a good fit, everyone resoundingly agreed. I also chatted with someone on the team, getting confused "WTF? NO!" answers to important questions like, "Is your boss a terrible person who belittles and abuses their female colleagues both personally and professionally?" I'm paraphrasing.

Knowing the manager on that team received the "this person is good and--better yet--normal" seal of approval from many trusted individuals, I applied for the job, knowing this would be the last time at this company. I soon interviewed with the manager (let's call them Cory) and each team member; feeling good after the interviews, I felt that hope, my passion stir again.

A couple weeks later, Cory let me know that we reached the point where they would need to work out a transition plan with Greg. I was elated. I let them know that Greg knew I applied for the position and would support the transfer.

I’m thinking if you’re Greg, you want to get rid of this rock in your shoe, this glass in your foot, this blister on your toe. This person who calls you out whenever you’re rude, disrespectful, inappropriate… I didn’t expect Greg to give me a glowing review, but I expected he’d be neutral.

A couple days after Cory's chat with Greg, two of my colleagues asked to speak with me. They each told me the same story: Cory contacted them about what Greg said about me:

• I’m difficult to work with,
• I’m not a team player, and...
• I don’t respect authority. 

Funny thing is, all of those traits were inherent to Greg. I worked hard to be a valued team member, I enjoyed helping those around me, and I respected the authority at work--but I did not ACCEPT when I was bullied or harassed regardless of authority. Moreover, I was asked to work and participate in many projects outside of my group because colleagues touted my work ethic and insightful contributions. 

The narrative that Greg put out was false and could cost me the job. But what could I do? Report slander to HR? And be told:

• Oh, Greg didn't mean what he said negatively but rather to look out for you and your best interest. 
• Greg has a mother in his life, and she's female--like you! He respects woman because of that fact.
• Katie, you need to learn to be subordinate at certain times. There is a hierarchy that you have to respect. 
• (These are not exactly hypotheticals.)

HR was the last place I would go by choice.

I thought there would be no escaping Greg. The only escape was to resign--go home. The dream wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I resolved that if I didn’t get the position, which seemed likely, I would resign.

Luckily, Cory was savvy enough to realize Greg was lying and kind enough to listen to my peers--the truth made itself apparent. Cory had good conversations with each colleague about who I was as a person and an employee. My colleagues conveyed that I was a hard worker; that I adored the company, the games, and the people; and that I had a lot of promise. Unfortunately, I worked for a terrible manager, a person not well-liked in the organization, who took out his frustration on me. A situation that no one could (or ever did) succeed in.

In early January 2017, I accepted my new role.

 

Let's Update the Job Again

 

I worked for and was bullied by Greg Everage for 2 years and 9 months.

Before I started, there was the job I applied to: a contributor and creator of marketing content. After I expressed confusion over what I was doing (admin work) with what was outlined in my job description, Greg updated it to focus on managing video content (something he knew I had little experience in). That was the first update to my job within the first year. We'll call that revision the "2014 job update."

During my last week, HR conducted a team improvement meeting. Out of the topics discussed, one main point of confusion was MY JOB and how it fit in with the broader team and organization. Everyone present--including myself, two of our remote colleagues, and Greg—had a different explanation of what my job was.

Greg put the blame on me. He said that someone must want to learn to succeed in the role. You must have drive, and I didn't exhibit any. At that point, I was done fighting because 1) I didn't need to and 2) I was so damn tired of his antagonist ways. I sat back and listened. If Greg was a bus, I was the roadkill under it, and he drove back and forth over my corpse.

My two other teammates came to my defense expressing that I regularly asked for chances to learn and to be more involved in projects; problem was, I wasn’t given the resources to learn or the chance to actively participate in what the team did. They expressed that the "2014 job update" was the job equivalent of a manager with several years of video experience. They also stated the expectation for me to learn with no hands-on experience was unreasonable. This was the result of an incompetent, callous person in a leadership position allowed to manage people despite the array of red flags.

Ultimately, the job was updated again. In less than three years, my job had three different descriptions, and update 3.0 would be used to recruit my replacement. I thought to myself: 1) I hope they hire a man because a man would generate more respect from misogynistic Greg, and 2) I hope they don't suffer like Cindy or I did. I asked my colleagues to ensure my replacement would be protected, as much as they could offer protection from afar. 

I wanted to tell the eventual new hires (one for Cindy, one for me) everything. I wanted to warn them: "DON'T ACCEPT THIS JOB." And after they accepted: "You're going to lose your sanity and self-worth because of Greg. He's going to confuse you, hurt you, frustrate you. You deserve better than what's coming." But I was too wary. I resolved that they would have to find out on their own like I did. In truth, Cindy's and my replacements would eventually learn I brought Greg's problematic behavior to HR's attention, and it did me more harm than good. 

The Final Day

On my last day, Greg came by and told me how supportive he was of my move. He walked over, arms extended, posed to hug me. What's the equivalent of the kiss of death for hugs? The embrace of doom? I put my arm out, hand stiff. No. Don't fuckin' touch me, was my body language. And for once, he respected the signal. He wished me good luck and said he looked forward to seeing me thrive in my new role. Liar. Absolute two-faced coward. I smiled and thanked him. My next thought was, I never want to think about you again. (And just look what I'm doing! I must be a masochist.)

Gratitude

My new manager and team believed in me, believed in the truth. I am thankful that in the face of doubt, they trusted my ability, my honesty, and my loyalty. At first, my confidence was shot. But over time, I reverted back to the person I was before working for Greg. 

My new leader helped build me back up. I remember once we were chatting about a project, and they stopped me as I asked for permission to do something. "Katie, why do you keep asking to do things, to make decisions, really, to do your job?" It was because I was conditioned to be submissive, to tiptoe around my boss, to be apprehensive to take the lead without being on a short leash. Of course, I was afraid of speaking ill of Greg (as it did me a world of wonders with HR), so I attributed it to growing pains with the new position. They said, "We hired you for this job because we know you can do it. And you are. So, do your job. If you're going off the rails, we'll let you know. And if you're going off the rails so early on, that's probably because we didn't equip you with the right tools or resources to do so. But for now, trust yourself, the way that we trust you. If you succeed, that's a reflection of our leadership; and if you fail, that's ALSO a reflection of our leadership." I needed to hear that so badly.

Those years working for my new manager and team were what I hoped for. I had a manager that empowered me to succeed, encouraged me to learn and grow, and helped me set goals and achieve them. I look back fondly at that time.

Well, what happened with Greg? Did he ever get his just deserts at this company?

Next up: Greg decides it's time to focus on family...or so he claims.

Part IX - Retaliation

With coaching, Greg Everage was becoming more tolerable. But the truth of the matter was, he treated me better by no choice of his. Regardless, I finally saw a glimpse of normalcy in our dynamic. Of course, you can forgive, but you can't forget how awful someone treated you. There would always be a lack of trust between us.

In June of 2016, I had my annual review. I acknowledged that I agreed with the written contents. When we discussed my review over the phone, Greg said that the incident on January 22 (previous post) affected my bonus. I was shocked. An incident--where I reported to management a hostile work environment—impacting my annual review, specifically financially, seemed retaliatory. 

I took a moment to process the implications of what he claimed—wondering why I kept fighting further. 

Katherine. Katie. Kate. Stop. Nothing you said changed anything. Nothing changed. It's not cynical, it's the truth. They don't care.

Despite my inner monologue, I decided to pursue. It did not make sense that my bonus would be impacted because I raised a potentially discriminatory issue to the powers that be. My approach was to have him elaborate about this bonus impact by asking how that incident related.

Greg and I then chatted in person. He said that the incident caused disruption at work--that's why my bonus was impacted. Other people were affected and the office suffered because of that. I didn't want to challenge him. I only wanted his confirmation that the situation negatively impacted his review of me. As much as this continued conflict drained me mentally, I set up a meeting with HR to convey that Greg was retaliating against me.

 

If you feel you, or any other employee, has been discriminated against or harassed, you should immediately speak with your supervisor, any member of management, or a member of the HR... You will not be subject to any retaliation for reporting the complaint. 

 

I explained to HR everything I outlined previously; and I reinforced that the incident was handled--in good faith--as outlined by company policy; and it being used to retaliate against me, via my bonus, was happening. They said they would speak with Greg to get more clarification on how he factored it in.

 

A week later I was updated by HR: 

• Greg told them that it didn't monetarily affect my bonus. I said that's fine, but the fact that he said it negatively affected my bonus means it impacted me in some way—what other way is there other than monetarily?
• They held their ground saying it didn't affect my bonus because he told them it didn't. It was just an incident that occurred during that review period.
• I held MY ground saying if it was part of the bonus consideration, it had impact--and it shouldn't.

They then asked if I felt I was harassed on January 22. And I said absolutely yes. They then said the incident was possibly not investigated how it should have been. (This particular person was not working for the company that past January.) They were going to review with the other people involved to do a more thorough investigation. I was surprised they didn't in the first place. I detailed to another manager and HR not only that instance but his pattern of intimidation and verbal abuse. How was that not investigated? At this point, "disappointed but not surprised" became my coping mechanism.

Weeks later when the investigation concluded, I was told by HR, "I asked Greg if it was retaliation and he said 'of course not,' so it wasn't." OF COURSE. No one will admit to retaliation if you spell it out like that. When I inquired about how they felt regarding his condescending and discriminatory treatment of women, the response was, "Greg has a wife and daughters. Do you really think he would discriminate against women?" I-- I was shocked. Absolutely shocked at that response. Greg has a wife and daughters, Kat, so everything that happened...is invalid.

I had no hope left of things ever improving in my current situation.

Part VIII - Later That Week

At a department meeting early on January 22, Cindy asked if our team would ever reside in one location. Greg answered her question. The meeting continued.

Later in the hallway, I overheard Greg asking Cindy if she asked that question on my behalf. She said she did not, and I came by affirming that I did not ask her. Greg laughed, saying that he knows I made her ask. I once again said I didn't. Greg walked away announcing in the hallway, "Whatever you say, Katie. Everyone knows you want to move away." 

I believe those sorts of conversations are private and better not broadcast in public at work. Regardless of my thoughts on relocating (really, anywhere to escape him at this point), I did not want folks knowing my personal business. I also didn't appreciate his dismissive attitude toward Cindy and me. I went in his office and asked if we could talk. I expressed that I disagree with what he said, I wished he would believe my word, and how he spoke to us was wrong.

• Greg told me that he was right and I was wrong. He said that I did want to move, and I told Cindy to ask for me. I repeated that I did not ask her.
• He said I talked about moving “all the time.” I disagreed, saying it was not something I was open to talking about. I requested we drop it and move on.
• Greg insisted that he was right, and he knew that was what I wanted. I once again asked if he could stop because he was making me uncomfortable.
• He then said I was too sensitive and should relax. I said I was being civil and didn't want to talk about it anymore—asking him again to move on.
• Greg then said that I was taking him too seriously and making a big deal out it. I disagreed saying he wouldn't have taken it this far if he wasn't serious, and we'll have to agree to disagree.
• Greg then circled back saying he was joking the whole time. (Was this the part where I give in and laugh?)
• At that point, I asked why he couldn't talk to me with any kindness or respect. I told him he continued to make me uncomfortable, so the best course of action for me was to walk away. He continued to reiterate I should learn to take a joke as I left.
• I returned to my desk, frustrated and annoyed that this person, my manager, could only talk down to me.

I couldn't concentrate on work, so I did what I believed was right if you felt harassed and intimidated. I messaged and called HR to discuss and did not hear back that morning. (We didn't have an HR representative based in our office at the time. HR replied at 1:17 p.m., after I left the office.)

 

Since I didn't hear back from HR, I looked for another option to discuss what happened. The next option was speaking to another member of management staff. So, I messaged a manager in my department, Matthew, and didn't get a response. I then asked Cora, another manager in my department,  to meet with me. 

I explained the situation, and we decided that going home to have physical separation from Greg and wait to hear from HR was the best option. Cora said she would handle speaking to Greg or whoever else she needed to inform. I left shortly thereafter, telling a couple of my teammates that I was going home for the day.

 

Once I arrived home and collected my thoughts, I emailed HR detailing the incident. There was already a pending discussion about Greg's continued bullying and intimidation planned for that next week. This was added salt to my open wounds.

--

 

That next week I talked with HR about the recent incident, specifically what happened on January 22. They said my reaction was fine, but in the future, perhaps there was a better way for me to handle the situation. I said that I entered the conversation diplomatically and hoped to come to a mutual understanding; but he wouldn't listen, insisted he was right, I was wrong, I was too sensitive, I took things too seriously, and finally that he was joking--classic schoolyard bully tactic. 

 

I reiterated to HR that this wasn’t just one incident, but a pattern of incidents as part of his overall hostile behavior. We needed a solution to this ongoing problem for myself, the team, and the company.

 

Also, after Colleen told her manager what was going on, I had a chance to speak with them later that week. Much like Colleen's, my conversation with them was productive and helpful. They truly cared about what was going on and denounced Greg's actions. They didn’t point the finger at me as part of the problem or the solution being "within me." As Taylor Swift so aptly put it, I very much wanted to be excluded from the ongoing narrative. I was so defeated at that point, that conversations like this one gave me hope that there were genuine, decent people around me--but also lament that I couldn't receive that sincerity and decency from my own manager.

At this point, HR requested I answer three questions: 

• What are the three hindrances to my current job? 
• Is this the right job for me? 
• Is this the right company for me? 

In retrospect, those are alarming questions. It didn't make me as nervous then as it does now. They were implicitly signaling to me that I wasn't a right fit for the job or the company. 

Was I fated to be another statistic? Another woman pushed to leave her job because of a hostile work environment. The blame was shifted away from Greg. I was not responsible for Greg's toxic behavior, but I was responsible for dealing with the situation.

Soon, HR informed me that Greg was being coached and senior leadership was aware of the issues with him. That was more discomforting than anything. I didn't want anyone to know about what was going on. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to go into work, do my job, and go home feeling satisfied, excited to return the next day. The only days I looked forward to were the ones when I knew he wouldn't be there. All the other days, though, were days I woke up wishing I could go back to sleep. Sleep was peace.

Next up: Retaliation.