Part IX - Retaliation

With coaching, Greg Everage was becoming more tolerable. But the truth of the matter was, he treated me better by no choice of his. Regardless, I finally saw a glimpse of normalcy in our dynamic. Of course, you can forgive, but you can't forget how awful someone treated you. There would always be a lack of trust between us.

In June of 2016, I had my annual review. I acknowledged that I agreed with the written contents. When we discussed my review over the phone, Greg said that the incident on January 22 (previous post) affected my bonus. I was shocked. An incident--where I reported to management a hostile work environment—impacting my annual review, specifically financially, seemed retaliatory. 

I took a moment to process the implications of what he claimed—wondering why I kept fighting further. 

Katherine. Katie. Kate. Stop. Nothing you said changed anything. Nothing changed. It's not cynical, it's the truth. They don't care.

Despite my inner monologue, I decided to pursue. It did not make sense that my bonus would be impacted because I raised a potentially discriminatory issue to the powers that be. My approach was to have him elaborate about this bonus impact by asking how that incident related.

Greg and I then chatted in person. He said that the incident caused disruption at work--that's why my bonus was impacted. Other people were affected and the office suffered because of that. I didn't want to challenge him. I only wanted his confirmation that the situation negatively impacted his review of me. As much as this continued conflict drained me mentally, I set up a meeting with HR to convey that Greg was retaliating against me.

 

If you feel you, or any other employee, has been discriminated against or harassed, you should immediately speak with your supervisor, any member of management, or a member of the HR... You will not be subject to any retaliation for reporting the complaint. 

 

I explained to HR everything I outlined previously; and I reinforced that the incident was handled--in good faith--as outlined by company policy; and it being used to retaliate against me, via my bonus, was happening. They said they would speak with Greg to get more clarification on how he factored it in.

 

A week later I was updated by HR: 

• Greg told them that it didn't monetarily affect my bonus. I said that's fine, but the fact that he said it negatively affected my bonus means it impacted me in some way—what other way is there other than monetarily?
• They held their ground saying it didn't affect my bonus because he told them it didn't. It was just an incident that occurred during that review period.
• I held MY ground saying if it was part of the bonus consideration, it had impact--and it shouldn't.

They then asked if I felt I was harassed on January 22. And I said absolutely yes. They then said the incident was possibly not investigated how it should have been. (This particular person was not working for the company that past January.) They were going to review with the other people involved to do a more thorough investigation. I was surprised they didn't in the first place. I detailed to another manager and HR not only that instance but his pattern of intimidation and verbal abuse. How was that not investigated? At this point, "disappointed but not surprised" became my coping mechanism.

Weeks later when the investigation concluded, I was told by HR, "I asked Greg if it was retaliation and he said 'of course not,' so it wasn't." OF COURSE. No one will admit to retaliation if you spell it out like that. When I inquired about how they felt regarding his condescending and discriminatory treatment of women, the response was, "Greg has a wife and daughters. Do you really think he would discriminate against women?" I-- I was shocked. Absolutely shocked at that response. Greg has a wife and daughters, Kat, so everything that happened...is invalid.

I had no hope left of things ever improving in my current situation.

Part VIII - Later That Week

At a department meeting early on January 22, Cindy asked if our team would ever reside in one location. Greg answered her question. The meeting continued.

Later in the hallway, I overheard Greg asking Cindy if she asked that question on my behalf. She said she did not, and I came by affirming that I did not ask her. Greg laughed, saying that he knows I made her ask. I once again said I didn't. Greg walked away announcing in the hallway, "Whatever you say, Katie. Everyone knows you want to move away." 

I believe those sorts of conversations are private and better not broadcast in public at work. Regardless of my thoughts on relocating (really, anywhere to escape him at this point), I did not want folks knowing my personal business. I also didn't appreciate his dismissive attitude toward Cindy and me. I went in his office and asked if we could talk. I expressed that I disagree with what he said, I wished he would believe my word, and how he spoke to us was wrong.

• Greg told me that he was right and I was wrong. He said that I did want to move, and I told Cindy to ask for me. I repeated that I did not ask her.
• He said I talked about moving “all the time.” I disagreed, saying it was not something I was open to talking about. I requested we drop it and move on.
• Greg insisted that he was right, and he knew that was what I wanted. I once again asked if he could stop because he was making me uncomfortable.
• He then said I was too sensitive and should relax. I said I was being civil and didn't want to talk about it anymore—asking him again to move on.
• Greg then said that I was taking him too seriously and making a big deal out it. I disagreed saying he wouldn't have taken it this far if he wasn't serious, and we'll have to agree to disagree.
• Greg then circled back saying he was joking the whole time. (Was this the part where I give in and laugh?)
• At that point, I asked why he couldn't talk to me with any kindness or respect. I told him he continued to make me uncomfortable, so the best course of action for me was to walk away. He continued to reiterate I should learn to take a joke as I left.
• I returned to my desk, frustrated and annoyed that this person, my manager, could only talk down to me.

I couldn't concentrate on work, so I did what I believed was right if you felt harassed and intimidated. I messaged and called HR to discuss and did not hear back that morning. (We didn't have an HR representative based in our office at the time. HR replied at 1:17 p.m., after I left the office.)

 

Since I didn't hear back from HR, I looked for another option to discuss what happened. The next option was speaking to another member of management staff. So, I messaged a manager in my department, Matthew, and didn't get a response. I then asked Cora, another manager in my department,  to meet with me. 

I explained the situation, and we decided that going home to have physical separation from Greg and wait to hear from HR was the best option. Cora said she would handle speaking to Greg or whoever else she needed to inform. I left shortly thereafter, telling a couple of my teammates that I was going home for the day.

 

Once I arrived home and collected my thoughts, I emailed HR detailing the incident. There was already a pending discussion about Greg's continued bullying and intimidation planned for that next week. This was added salt to my open wounds.

--

 

That next week I talked with HR about the recent incident, specifically what happened on January 22. They said my reaction was fine, but in the future, perhaps there was a better way for me to handle the situation. I said that I entered the conversation diplomatically and hoped to come to a mutual understanding; but he wouldn't listen, insisted he was right, I was wrong, I was too sensitive, I took things too seriously, and finally that he was joking--classic schoolyard bully tactic. 

 

I reiterated to HR that this wasn’t just one incident, but a pattern of incidents as part of his overall hostile behavior. We needed a solution to this ongoing problem for myself, the team, and the company.

 

Also, after Colleen told her manager what was going on, I had a chance to speak with them later that week. Much like Colleen's, my conversation with them was productive and helpful. They truly cared about what was going on and denounced Greg's actions. They didn’t point the finger at me as part of the problem or the solution being "within me." As Taylor Swift so aptly put it, I very much wanted to be excluded from the ongoing narrative. I was so defeated at that point, that conversations like this one gave me hope that there were genuine, decent people around me--but also lament that I couldn't receive that sincerity and decency from my own manager.

At this point, HR requested I answer three questions: 

• What are the three hindrances to my current job? 
• Is this the right job for me? 
• Is this the right company for me? 

In retrospect, those are alarming questions. It didn't make me as nervous then as it does now. They were implicitly signaling to me that I wasn't a right fit for the job or the company. 

Was I fated to be another statistic? Another woman pushed to leave her job because of a hostile work environment. The blame was shifted away from Greg. I was not responsible for Greg's toxic behavior, but I was responsible for dealing with the situation.

Soon, HR informed me that Greg was being coached and senior leadership was aware of the issues with him. That was more discomforting than anything. I didn't want anyone to know about what was going on. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to go into work, do my job, and go home feeling satisfied, excited to return the next day. The only days I looked forward to were the ones when I knew he wouldn't be there. All the other days, though, were days I woke up wishing I could go back to sleep. Sleep was peace.

Next up: Retaliation.

Part VII - January 19, 2016

The week of January 18 was one of my worst workweeks. Afterward, I was seriously discussing my resignation with family and friends if I couldn't transfer to another job; and my friend's mom, who worked in HR for over 35 years, strongly encouraged me to leave, citing her observed incompetent handling of every issue she knew about. I desperately wanted to make things work. My entire life, I fought to get there, and this guy was going to torpedo everything I worked toward.

(As an aside...) Another problem is, when you seek out other opportunities within a company, people talk. People knew that Greg and I didn't get along. What I hoped, was that prospective hiring teams saw how much love I had for the people and the games (and still do). I adored (most) the people I worked with; I proved time and time again that I was a valuable resource on many projects; I collaborated well with people, building trust and good relationships across many in the organization. Greg Everage did none of that: he didn't like the people, he didn't like the games, he had zero trust, very few good relationships. Regardless, the situation was lose-lose for me. He was my boss. And as much as I tried to break through, his shadow was all-pervasive.

Tuesday, January 19

Our team had a regular weekly meeting at 10:30 a.m. on Mondays. On this day, Greg emailed the team earlier in the morning saying he was coming in late, and he greeted me in person around 10:15. He didn’t mention anything about rescheduling the meeting. At 10:30, I dialed into the call with the remote team, and after a few minutes, we noticed Greg hadn't called in. I ran over to his office--not there. I ran over to the break room--not there either. I ran back to my desk and we, as a team, resolved to continue the meeting in lieu of waiting. They had a lot on their plate and preferred not to reschedule. I said I would recap Greg whenever he resurfaced.

We ended the call around 10:45. Greg came by five minutes later. He asked when our team meeting was, and I told him it was at 10:30, our usual time, and we didn't know where he was. I said I could recap him. 

• Greg told me I handled that all wrong. He was angry that I didn’t do everything in my power to make sure he was there for the meeting. 
• I told him I went to find him in his office and the break room and he wasn't at either location.
• He asked where else I looked. I responded that there wasn't anywhere else besides the bathroom. And he said I SHOULD have checked in there. Greg raised his voice to the point in which I was shocked, uncomfortable, and embarrassed. 
• I was at my cube, and I noticed the co-workers near me went silent as he spoke. He told me I was personally responsible for him missing that meeting. 
• I tried to defend myself, but as usual, he told me to stop being defensive and do my job.

I was visibly upset after that conversation: Cindy asked me if I was OK over Skype, saying how it made her sick to hear that interaction. Colleen, a colleague that sat on the opposite side of the aisle, reached out over Skype, noting she found it unacceptable the way Greg spoke and continued to interact with me. 

Colleen told her manager, saying that Greg was talking to me (and others) in hostile and intimidating ways. I will always be thankful for Colleen. She was the first person who truly made an effort to help with Greg's bullying beyond lip service. She acted, and I'll be forever grateful.

What I told HR about this incident: Unfortunately the pattern of disrespect has not improved over the past couple months with Greg. There was an incident on Tuesday I want to bring to your attention that made me feel intimidated. It made it difficult for me to concentrate on work, but luckily I had the opportunity to demo at a media event later that day and remove myself from the environment. This is not the first time this happened. Greg expects me to function as his personal assistant and berates me if I don’t comply. There have been other incidents since we last chatted, and I can review further. I truly need to work with you and HR to find a solution to this ongoing problem.

Next up: Later that week...

Part VI - Health and Confidentiality

Greg Everage blurred the line between appropriate and inappropriate things for a manager to say at work. Some of the more egregious examples regarded my health and doctor appointments. 

Year after year, he proved his inability to adhere to common sense guidelines regarding health privacy, and HR proved their inability to properly address his behavior and protect me.

Incident #1: For an injury I sustained earlier in 2014, I arranged around 10 physical therapy appointments, and I informed Greg about them well in advance. I did my best to schedule them early in the morning or at the end of the day, although I had to schedule one appointment for 2 in the afternoon. I left at about 1:45, telling Greg I would be online after my appointment.

At the appointment, I sat around the waiting room for about 30 minutes until the receptionist summoned me, saying that my therapist went home ill. She mentioned if I waited for another therapist, I could be seen shortly. I figured I should stay since I was already there. There were no meetings or urgent projects due that day, anyway. I messaged Greg saying my appointment was going longer than expected.

Soon, I received a frantic series of texts from Cindy. Greg called her to inquire about details of my appointment and how much longer my appointment would be. At that time, I was driving on my way back to the office, so I didn't answer the texts until I was parked.

First, I don’t know why he wouldn’t contact me. Second, I get that the appointment took longer than usual, but he was inquiring about my whereabouts not out of concern that it was taking so long, but because he wanted to know a pay order number RIGHT THEN. Third, I talked to him afterward, and he agreed that I was giving him adequate information about my appointments. I requested he contact me and not involve other co-workers when I'm at the doctor.

Incident #2: Not much to say here besides him making light of my physical handicap and therapy needs.

Incident #3: I was on a phone call with our whole team and Greg. One of the team members mentioned his eyes were tired from looking at a computer screen all day. I jokingly suggested (hey, you should do this) he take time to look out a window or close his eyes to meditate throughout the day.

Greg said, “Oh yeah, like all the time you take off for your neck.” I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant, so I asked him to elaborate. He said, "You know, you take a lot of time off for your neck issues."

One problem: I hadn’t told those colleagues about my "neck issues," and it was up to me whether or not I told them. I walked into Greg’s office after the call, asking that he not discuss my health details to folks at work. I had shared with him in confidence some details of my injury, partially in hope of instilling trust between us. I still remember his reaction: “I’m SO, so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to make fun of you. Of course, I will never do that again. Again, I'm sooo sorry.”

I later let HR know about the above incidents. I figured they should know a member of management was infringing on their employee's right to health privacy and would give him the training he needed.

 

Incident #4: Two weeks in advance, I let Greg know that I had an appointment on February 2 and would email closer to the date--as was our team doctor appointment protocol. Cindy and I also had to book time on his calendar whenever we'd be out of office.

I reminded him the Friday before via email, and he responded saying he wanted to chat about the appointment. Because of previous breaches in trust, I was concerned about my privacy regarding the appointment. I asked him to elaborate on what we needed to discuss, and beyond saying that sick time needed to be approved beforehand, he would not. (Mind you, I told him two weeks prior and had booked my time off on his calendar without issue.) 

I went in his office, and he requested that I move my appointment since Cindy would also be out that day. He was concerned about having to back up both of us. I reiterated that this was a planned procedure, booked far in advance, was already approved, and very necessary. He said it was OK, but we would need to ensure we didn't have simultaneous days off in the future. What this came down to was him not having either of his two assistants in the office.

 

Incident #5: My doctor ordered around eight more physical therapy appointments in late 2015. I alerted our leave specialist to gain approval via FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). These we hourlong appointments, twice a week. I booked them at the least disruptive times and always ensured I didn't fall behind on my work.

I let Greg know I had more appointments coming up and would share the dates and times. He said OK and then asked what I was doing at my appointments. I told him I didn’t want to talk about the nature of my appointments and apologized for needing to take more time off. He then asked if I wouldn't tell him because I was having “lady issues.” I reiterated that I was not comfortable discussing, and it wasn't appropriate for him to ask.

At this point in the timeline (we're in early 2016), I had been in contact with HR over 10 times regarding Greg's treatment of me and others. I was losing my patience.

Here’s what I sent to HR after he insinuated I was having lady issues: 

Here’s where I stand: As of now, Greg continues to breach my right to health privacy and discriminate against women. His behavior has not ultimately changed. 

Greg told me that "people are getting sick of my frequent HR trips." I don’t know who these people are—but I agree based on the nature of the trips. I never asked for this continued treatment, but I’d be doing myself, any future individuals working with him, and the company a disservice by not reporting these serious issues. 

I appreciate the action you’ve taken thus far. With that said, this is one of many similar incidents that isn’t getting resolved. Is the company going to protect me from this ongoing pattern of conflict? Will the company act on his behavior where he repeatedly breaches my personal health privacy? 

HR's response was constant verbal assurances that it wouldn’t happen again. I conveyed to them I wasn't satisfied. I had brought these instances to their attention multiple times over the past couple years with little to no recourse. His behavior was not impacted by the coaching and counseling they told me he had, and I continued to be subjected to his defamatory, demeaning, and offensive interactions. I requested to be transferred from Greg as my manager. HR said that wasn’t an option. All I continued to hear on repeat was: "this won't happen again."

Next up: January 18