When I think back to all the cruel words and actions I endured in middle school, many instances come to mind. Here’s a collection of the worst that I remember:
I eventually gained a few friends in middle school, and those friends transitioned into high school. Around sophomore year, I don’t know what sparked it, but I became brave. I grew confident with my thoughts, my words, my actions, and who I was. I tired of quietly sitting in class, at lunch, in the hallway, on the bus, and every waking moment. I started to crack jokes, make decisions courageously, call out people that were mean or rude, and simply exist outwardly instead of in my head. I know not everyone changes from being the outcast to the accepted. I’m lucky I found a way. That’s not to say I was popular, but no one bullied me any longer.
During my junior year, I learned a different type of hostility. Truly, the crux of this whole piece as it wasn’t a demeaning name or slanderous rumor or lewd gesture. This person f**ked with me. Mental game sh** that I didn’t realize was possible, and to this day astounds me knowing a 16-year-old was capable of such cruelty.
I met Molly on the bus going to and from school. She was a cheerleader that oddly seemed exiled from her teammates. Molly was energetic, enthusiastic, and I enjoyed hanging out with her. We talked about topics most teenage girls chat about including boys we fancied. As she earned my trust, I grew candid with her and mentioned a classmate, Drew, that I found handsome. She told me that they were friends, and she would ask him if he was interested. At this point, I hadn’t so much as kissed or hugged a boy, and so this prospect was exciting!
The next day, Molly told me that Drew liked me. Not only that, he was interested in meeting up after the basketball game on Friday. (Drew played on our high school team.) The school usually held a mixer in the cafeteria after a home game, and we would meet there. I told my other friends about the romantic development as I was over-the-moon thinking we would finally talk. Better yet--he already liked me! It felt like fate, and at the time, I hoped that fate had some place in our world.
I watched the game from the bleachers--and Drew--but couldn’t stop thinking about my night with destiny. Molly left her post cheering on the court to greet me. She told me that all the plans were set and Drew would meet me by the pop machines in the cafeteria at 9:15 p.m. That made sense. He had to shower and get ready after the game. It was our first meeting after all.
I counted down the minutes to the buzzer and excitedly took my place in the cafeteria. Molly swung by to confirm I was in the right spot. She said Drew would be out shortly. At 9:15, I turned away from the door. I decided that I would let him turn me around or tap my shoulder or some other sweet gesture. A few minutes later, I checked the clock and he was late. That’s okay. Probably had to fix his hair or apply extra deodorant. The reasons why he was late grew in number as time continued to pass. I started to ask if anyone around saw Drew. I scanned the room for him, thinking it was possible he got the location wrong. I texted Molly. No answer. I called Molly. No answer. I looked at the clock which reached the tenth hour. He wasn’t coming. He...never was coming. One of his teammates I knew from class verified that he went home with his parents immediately after the game. She fabricated the whole thing. But why? I texted her again when I got home. No response.
On Monday, Molly got on the bus, but she didn’t sit by me like usual. When we arrived at school, I accused her of tricking me for her pleasure. She denied it saying they did talk, but HE probably chickened out last minute. It wasn’t true, though. Certainly I couldn’t confront him; he wasn't aware anything was happening! That’s how foolish the whole scenario was. I believed it was possible that he noticed me like I noticed him, and she would bring us together. I was strung along like a fool.
I cut off Molly completely after that. She tried talking to me a few times as if nothing happened, but I refused to acknowledge her. I didn't understand why she played me. I am now older, wiser and more cynical. I know that humans are capable of cruelty, but why can’t we evolve to be wholly honest and kind to each other? It’s not in our history, and so likely not our fate either.
- I was dubbed “Casper the Ugly Ghost.”
- I had a gap in between my teeth, and so boys would do the field goal gesture as they passed me in the hallway.
- I invited all the girls in my class to my birthday party. Only two out of 12 accepted; I overheard the remaining 10 entertain each other with their made-up excuses for not coming.
- I dreaded the dance unit in P.E. class since no boy would dance with me--but someone always got stuck with me. They’d never look at me while we danced, instead looking forward to the moment when it’d be over.
- One girl caused a rumor that I stuffed my bra in sixth grade. (Thanks for that, Katie R.) To this day, I don’t know why she started that false rumor. Puberty hadn’t summoned my chest to rise yet, and I was so flat I wore a sports bra just for kicks--or nips. Whatever. Despite the historically pancake nature of my chest, the whispers didn’t die down for some time. Rumors really suck when they’re not based on the slightest fact. I actually considered stuffing my bra AFTER the rumors since I didn’t realize it was a problem prior. (If I recall correctly, Katie R. never filled out. Hah! Boob karma.)
I eventually gained a few friends in middle school, and those friends transitioned into high school. Around sophomore year, I don’t know what sparked it, but I became brave. I grew confident with my thoughts, my words, my actions, and who I was. I tired of quietly sitting in class, at lunch, in the hallway, on the bus, and every waking moment. I started to crack jokes, make decisions courageously, call out people that were mean or rude, and simply exist outwardly instead of in my head. I know not everyone changes from being the outcast to the accepted. I’m lucky I found a way. That’s not to say I was popular, but no one bullied me any longer.
During my junior year, I learned a different type of hostility. Truly, the crux of this whole piece as it wasn’t a demeaning name or slanderous rumor or lewd gesture. This person f**ked with me. Mental game sh** that I didn’t realize was possible, and to this day astounds me knowing a 16-year-old was capable of such cruelty.
I met Molly on the bus going to and from school. She was a cheerleader that oddly seemed exiled from her teammates. Molly was energetic, enthusiastic, and I enjoyed hanging out with her. We talked about topics most teenage girls chat about including boys we fancied. As she earned my trust, I grew candid with her and mentioned a classmate, Drew, that I found handsome. She told me that they were friends, and she would ask him if he was interested. At this point, I hadn’t so much as kissed or hugged a boy, and so this prospect was exciting!
The next day, Molly told me that Drew liked me. Not only that, he was interested in meeting up after the basketball game on Friday. (Drew played on our high school team.) The school usually held a mixer in the cafeteria after a home game, and we would meet there. I told my other friends about the romantic development as I was over-the-moon thinking we would finally talk. Better yet--he already liked me! It felt like fate, and at the time, I hoped that fate had some place in our world.
I watched the game from the bleachers--and Drew--but couldn’t stop thinking about my night with destiny. Molly left her post cheering on the court to greet me. She told me that all the plans were set and Drew would meet me by the pop machines in the cafeteria at 9:15 p.m. That made sense. He had to shower and get ready after the game. It was our first meeting after all.
I counted down the minutes to the buzzer and excitedly took my place in the cafeteria. Molly swung by to confirm I was in the right spot. She said Drew would be out shortly. At 9:15, I turned away from the door. I decided that I would let him turn me around or tap my shoulder or some other sweet gesture. A few minutes later, I checked the clock and he was late. That’s okay. Probably had to fix his hair or apply extra deodorant. The reasons why he was late grew in number as time continued to pass. I started to ask if anyone around saw Drew. I scanned the room for him, thinking it was possible he got the location wrong. I texted Molly. No answer. I called Molly. No answer. I looked at the clock which reached the tenth hour. He wasn’t coming. He...never was coming. One of his teammates I knew from class verified that he went home with his parents immediately after the game. She fabricated the whole thing. But why? I texted her again when I got home. No response.
On Monday, Molly got on the bus, but she didn’t sit by me like usual. When we arrived at school, I accused her of tricking me for her pleasure. She denied it saying they did talk, but HE probably chickened out last minute. It wasn’t true, though. Certainly I couldn’t confront him; he wasn't aware anything was happening! That’s how foolish the whole scenario was. I believed it was possible that he noticed me like I noticed him, and she would bring us together. I was strung along like a fool.
I cut off Molly completely after that. She tried talking to me a few times as if nothing happened, but I refused to acknowledge her. I didn't understand why she played me. I am now older, wiser and more cynical. I know that humans are capable of cruelty, but why can’t we evolve to be wholly honest and kind to each other? It’s not in our history, and so likely not our fate either.
