Dream Company, Nightmare Boss — Part IX - Retaliation

With coaching, Greg Everage was becoming more tolerable. He didn't treat me better by choice, though, which sours the sincerity behind each interaction. Regardless, I finally saw a glimpse of normalcy in our dynamic. You can forgive, of course, but you can't forget how someone treated you in the past. There would always be a lack of trust between us.

In June 2016, I had my annual review. I acknowledged that I agreed with the written contents. When we discussed my review over the phone, Greg said that the incident on January 22 impacted my bonus and negatively affected my reputation to upper management.

I was shocked. An incident—where I reported to management that I felt harassed and bullied—impacting my annual review screamed retaliation. The other comment just hurt.

I took a moment to process the implications of what he claimed—wondering why I kept fighting further.

Katherina. Katie. Kate. Stop. Nothing you said changed anything. Nothing changed. Stop fighting.

Despite knowing the results would likely not be in my favor, I decided to pursue based on the company guidelines. It did not make sense that my bonus would be impacted because I raised a potentially discriminatory issue to the powers that be. My approach was to have Greg elaborate about the impact by asking how that incident related.

"If you feel you, or any other employee, has been discriminated against or harassed, you should immediately speak with your supervisor, any member of management, or a member of the HR... You will not be subject to any retaliation for reporting the complaint."

Greg and I chatted in person. He said that the incident caused disruption at work—that's why my bonus was impacted. Other people were affected and the office suffered because of that. I didn't want to challenge him. I only wanted his confirmation that the situation negatively impacted his review. As much as the continued conflict drained me, I set up a meeting with HR to convey that Greg was retaliating against me.

 

 

I explained everything to HR. I reinforced that the incident was handled—in good faith—as outlined by company policy. And the incident was being used to retaliate against me, via my bonus, with Greg confirming as such. HR said they would speak with Greg to get clarification on how he factored it in.

A week later, I received an update from HR: 

• Greg told them that it didn't monetarily affect my bonus. 
• That doesn't make any sense. If it negatively impacted my bonus, what other way is there than monetarily?
• They held their ground saying it didn't affect my bonus because he told them it didn't. It was just an incident that occurred during that review period.
• I held my ground saying if it was part of the bonus consideration, it had impact—and it shouldn't.
• HR then asked if I felt I was harassed on January 22. 
• I said yes. 
• HR said the incident was possibly not investigated properly. (To be fair, this particular person was not working for the company at the time.) 

HR stated they would initiate a more thorough investigation. I was surprised they didn't in the first place.

A few weeks later, another meeting with HR. The rep said, "I asked Greg point-blank if it was retaliation, and he said 'of course not,' so it really wasn't about that."

My goodness. No one will admit to retaliation if you spell it out like that. When I inquired about how they felt regarding his continued condescending and discriminatory treatment of women, the response was: "Greg has a wife and daughters. Do you really think he would discriminate against women?" 

I was shocked—absolutely floored by that response. Greg has a wife and daughters, so everything that happened to me and other women...was invalid.

My hope depleted, I was more determined than ever: I had to get out.

Next up: Escape From Shit Mountain

Dream Company, Nightmare Boss — Part VIII - Later That Week

At a department meeting on January 22, 2016, Cindy asked if our team would ever reside in one location. Greg answered her question. The meeting continued.

Later in the hallway, I overheard Greg asking Cindy if she asked that question on my behalf. She said she did not, and I came by affirming that I did not ask her. Greg laughed, saying that he knows I made her ask. I once again said I didn't. Greg walked away announcing in the hallway, "Whatever you say, Katie. Everyone knows you want to move away."

Regardless of my thoughts on relocating (really, anywhere to escape him at this point), I didn't appreciate his dismissive attitude toward Cindy and me. It was his norm, but something about having it happen in front of other employees makes hostility hit differently. 

I walked over to his office and asked if we could talk. I expressed that I disagree with what he said, and the way he spoke to us was condescending.

• Greg told me that he was right and I was wrong. He said that I wanted to move, and I told Cindy to ask for me. 
• I repeated that it was her question, and if the question offended him, he should speak with her.
• He disagreed, saying I talked about moving “all the time.” He insisted he was right. 
• I said I wished he would believe me, asking how we can work together to build back trust.
• He then said I was too sensitive and should relax. I was making a big deal out of nothing.
• I said I was being civil and calling me too sensitive was unfair.
• Greg then said he was joking the whole time.
• Was this the part where I give in and laugh?
• I summoned the courage and asked why he couldn't talk to me with kindness. I came to his office to talk human-to-human, and the whole conversation had me feeling worse than before.
• He continued to reiterate I should learn to take a joke as I left his office.
• I returned to my desk, frustrated and saddened.

During a work call, I found that I couldn't concentrate on work, so I did what I believed was right if you felt harassed and intimidated. I messaged and called HR to discuss and did not hear back that morning. (We didn't have an HR representative based in our office at the time. HR replied at 1:17 p.m., after I left the office.)

 

Since I didn't hear back from HR, I sought out another person to discuss. The next option was speaking to a member of management staff. I messaged a manager in my department, Tom, and didn't get a response. I then asked Cora, another manager in my department,  to meet with me.

I explained the situation to her. We decided that going home to have physical separation from Greg—and wait to hear from HR—was the best option. Cora said she would handle speaking to Greg or whoever else she needed to inform. I left shortly thereafter, telling a couple of my teammates that I was going home for the day.

 

Once I arrived home and collected my thoughts, I emailed HR detailing the incident. There was already a pending discussion about Greg's continued bullying and intimidation planned for next week.

--

 

Next week during the meeting with HR, I talked about the recent incident, specifically what happened on January 22. They said my reaction was fine, but in the future, perhaps there was a better way for me to handle the situation. I said that I entered the conversation diplomatically and hoped to come to a mutual understanding. He wouldn't listen to me, insisted I was wrong, told me I was too sensitive, and when I asked him to be accountable for his abrasiveness, he claimed he was joking the whole time—classic schoolyard bully tactics.

I reiterated to HR that this was a pattern indicative of his hostile and disrespectful behavior toward women.

HR requested I answer three questions: 

• What are the three hindrances to my current job? 
• Is this the right job for me? 
• Is this the right company for me? 

In retrospect, those are alarming questions. They were implicitly signaling to me that I wasn't good fit. In the image below, I blacked out much of my responses, since they contain confidential information.

If #3 was answered truthfully, I would have written: Greg, Greg, Greg.

Was I fated to be another statistic? Another woman pushed to leave her job because a misogynist bully was being protected and a toxic work environment was allowed to flourish unfettered. The blame was shifting away from Greg. I was not responsible for Greg's toxic behavior, but I was expected to keep things copacetic.

Thankfully, my meeting with Dan, the Senior Vice President, was later that week. After Colleen debriefed him on our conversation, including what she witnessed the past two years, Dan and I sat down to chat.

I told Dan everything, from the beginning: It started out as poorly-managed job onboarding, then devolved into Greg using me as his secretary, and then my job description and title changed four months into my tenure. I also outlined some of Greg's inappropriate comments about me and many of our female colleagues. 

He listened. He asked questions. He understood how frustrating the past couple years were for me. He said things would improve, and he would lead the charge to ensure that happened. He thanked me for having the courage to speak up. He would check-in regularly. 

And he did. Dan, so busy with running our entire office, was the first person who took the time to bring about positive change. Not just for me, but for the team, the company, and if he cared, for Greg as well.

My conversation with Dan gave me hope that there were genuine, decent people in positions of power. Of course, I lamented that I couldn't work directly for such a person.

HR confirmed that Greg was being coached regularly, telling me that the company president had been made aware of the issues. It was discomforting rather than reassuring. I didn't want more people to know what was going on; I wanted it to stop. I wanted to go into work, do my job, and go home feeling satisfied, excited to return the next day. I didn't want to be known for this. 

Next up: Retaliation

Dream Company, Nightmare Boss — Part VII - January 19, 2016

The week of January 18, 2016, was one of my worst. Afterward, I seriously discussed my resignation with family and friends if I couldn't transfer to another job. My friend's mom, who worked in HR for over 35 years, strongly encouraged me to leave, citing her observed incompetent handling of every issue I shared with her. 

I desperately wanted to make things work, though. My entire life, I fought to get to this company, and this was my story? This one guy was going to torpedo everything I worked toward?

As an aside, when you seek out other opportunities within a company, people talk. People knew that Greg and I didn't get along. Cindy couldn't stand him either, but she did a better job of masking her displeasure. Our four Washington teammates had the pleasure of hundreds of miles between them and Greg. 

What I hoped, was that prospective hiring teams saw how much love I had for the company, the games, and most importantly, the people. I adored the people I worked with, befriending many of them; I proved time and time again that I was a valuable resource on many projects outside of my team; and I collaborated well with people, building trust and good relationships across the organization. 

Greg Everage did none of that: he didn't like the people, he didn't like the games, he had zero trust, and he had few genuine relationships. Regardless, it seemed the situation was lose-lose for me. He was my boss. And as much as I tried to break through, his shadow was all-pervasive.

Tuesday, January 19

Our team had a regular weekly meeting at 10:30 on Tuesday mornings. On this day, Greg emailed the team earlier saying he was coming in late, and he greeted me in person around 10:15. He didn’t mention anything about rescheduling the meeting. At 10:30, I dialed into the call with the remote team, and after a few minutes, we noticed Greg hadn't called in. I ran over to his office—not there. I ran over to the break room—not there either. I ran back to my desk and we, as a team, resolved to continue the meeting in lieu of waiting. They had a lot on their plate and asked not to reschedule. They requested that I recap Greg whenever he resurfaced.

We ended the call around 10:45. Greg came by my desk five minutes later. He asked when our team meeting was. I told him it was at 10:30, our usual time, and I didn't know where he was. I took notes and could recap him.

• Greg told me I handled the situation incorrectly. He was angry that I didn’t do everything in my power to ensure he was there for the meeting. 
• I told him I went to find him in his office and the break room and he wasn't at either location.
• He asked where else I looked. I said I walked nearly the entire office besides the men's bathroom. 
• He said I should have checked in there. He told me I was personally responsible for him missing that meeting. Greg raised his voice to the point in which I was shocked, uncomfortable, and embarrassed.
• I was at my cube, and I noticed the co-workers near me went silent as he spoke.
• I tried to defend myself, explaining that the team made the decision.
• As usual, he told me to stop being defensive and do my job, which I was once again failing. I was cowering in my seat.

I was visibly upset after that conversation: Cindy asked me if I was OK over Skype, saying the way he spoke to me made her sick. 

Colleen, a colleague that sat on the opposite side of the aisle, reached out over Skype to help. She reported into the Senior Vice President, Dan, the head honcho in our office.

On Wednesday morning, Colleen and I sat down to chat a local coffee shop. I reviewed everything, and she said she would communicate everything to Dan. 

I will always be thankful for Colleen. She was the first person who truly made an effort to help with Greg's bullying beyond lip service. Thank you for taking action.

What I told HR about this incident: 

Unfortunately, the pattern of disrespect has not improved over the past couple months with Greg. There was an incident on Tuesday I want to bring to your attention that made me feel intimidated. It made it difficult for me to concentrate on work, but luckily I had the opportunity to demo at a media event later that day and remove myself from the environment. This is not the first time this happened. Greg expects me to function as his personal assistant and berates me if I don’t comply. I truly need to work with HR to find a solution.

Next up: Later that week...

Dream Company, Nightmare Boss — Part VI - Health and Confidentiality

Greg Everage said many inappropriate things during my time working with him. I suppose if you have a better relationship or sense of trust with someone, you look past the minor slights. Heck, depending on the tone, you likely see the intent is truly meant for laughs, not as insult. 

With him, though, there was never a sense of kindness or comedy with his tone. Everything was callous, intentional, and—for a work environment—inappropriate. Some of the more egregious examples regarded my health and doctor appointments. Year after year, he proved his inability to adhere to common sense guidelines regarding health privacy, and HR proved their inability to properly address his behavior and protect me.

Incident #1: For a neck injury I sustained in early 2014, a doctor ordered ten physical therapy appointments. I informed Greg about the appointments well in advance. I did my best to schedule them early in the morning or at the end of the day, although I had to schedule one appointment for 2 in the afternoon. I left at about 1:45, telling Greg I would be online after my appointment.

At the appointment, I sat around the waiting room until 2:30. I walked up to the receptionist, and she said my therapist went home after feeling sick. She mentioned if I waited for another therapist, I could be seen at 3. I figured I should stay since I was already there, and there were no meetings or projects due that day. I messaged Greg saying my appointment was taking longer than expected.

My appointment wrapped up a little after 4, and rush hour traffic set my drive time to twice its usual length. As I drove, I received several text alerts from Cindy. I didn't look or answer the texts until I was parked at the office parking lot at about 4:40.

First, I don’t know why he didn't contact me, especially after I told him my appointment was running late. 

Second, I get that my appointment went long, but he was inquiring about my whereabouts not out of concern, but because he wanted to know a pay order number immediately...from me. Information that he could look up. 

Afterward, I talked to him about how this all transpired, and what we could have done differently. For me, there was nothing to change. I informed of my appointment months in advance and provided an update on the delay. He agreed that I provided adequate information. I requested he communicate solely with me, not to involve other employees in my doctor appointments.

Incident #2: Not much to say here besides him making light of my physical therapy needs with another employee on the thread.

Incident #3: During our team video call, one of our colleagues mentioned that his eyes were tired from looking at a computer screen all day. I jokingly suggested he should take some time to gaze out a window or close his eyes to meditate.

Greg said, “Oh yeah, like all the time you take off for your neck.”

"What do you mean, Greg?" I said.

"You know, you take a lot of time off for your neck issues."

Cool. I hadn't told my ENTIRE team about my neck issues, and it wasn't Greg's call to inform them. 

I walked into Greg’s office, asking that he not discuss my health details to folks at work. I told him I shared those specifics in confidence, partially in hope of instilling trust between us. I still remember his reaction: “I’m so, so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to make fun of you. Of course, I will never do that again. Again, I'm sooooooo sorry that was embarrassing for you.”

I let HR know about the aforementioned incidents. I asked them if I was taking too much time for my appointments (again, it was ten, one-hour appointments over the course of a calendar year). They said they would handle the appropriate conversation with Greg, and confirmed that my sick time usage was approved and on the level.

Incident #4: Two weeks beforehand, I let Greg know that I had a procedure on February 2 and would email a reminder closer to the date. I also sent him a calendar invite for my appointment, so he had my time out-of-office on his calendar. Everything was done as he requested, and he approved via email and accepted the calendar invite.

I reminded him the Friday before via email, and he responded saying, "Let's chat about your appointment." 

I went in his office, and he asked that I reschedule my appointment since Cindy would also be out that day. He was concerned about having both of us out of the office at the same time and the burden that it placed on him.. I reiterated that this was a planned procedure, already approved, and rescheduling would delay important medical care. 

He conceded, but reinforced that moving forward, we could not be off on the same day, regardless of medical need.

Incident #5: My doctor ordered eight more physical therapy appointments in late 2015. At HR's recommendation, I alerted our leave specialist to gain approval via FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). These were hour-long appointments, twice a week. I booked them at the least disruptive times and always ensured I didn't fall behind on my work.

During our next meeting, I let Greg know I had more appointments coming up and would share the dates and times as he liked. 

He asked what I was doing at my appointments. 

I told him I didn’t want to talk about the nature of my appointments and apologized for needing to take more time off. 

He then asked if I wouldn't tell him because I was experiencing “lady issues.” 

I reiterated that I was not comfortable discussing, and it wasn't appropriate for him to ask.

Why is this still happening? I sent an email to HR, outlining Incident #5 and finished with this:

Here’s where I stand: As of now, Greg continues to breach my right to health privacy and discriminate against women. His behavior has not ultimately changed.

Greg has told me that "people are getting sick of my frequent HR trips." I don’t know who these people are—and I agree. I never asked for this treatment, but I’d be doing myself, any future individuals working with him, and the company a disservice by not reporting these serious issues.

I appreciate the action you’ve taken thus far. With that said, this is one of many similar incidents that continue to persist; it's a pattern unchanged. Is the company going to protect me from this ongoing pattern of conflict, including breaches to my personal health privacy?

I wasn't satisfied. I brought these instances to their attention several times over the past couple years. His behavior was not impacted by the apparent coaching, and I continued to be subjected to his defamatory, demeaning, and offensive interactions. 

I requested to be transferred to another supervisor or another team. HR said that wasn’t an option. All I continued to hear on repeat was, "This won't happen again."

Next up: January 19, 2016

Dream Company, Nightmare Boss — Part V - 2015 Bits and Pieces

After my initial visit with HR, and the subsequent visits to ensure my responsibilities were clearer and his behavior improved, conditions were somewhat normalized. Temporarily. 

Greg Everage's behavior soon reverted back, with me typically in the crosshairs—or adjacent to—his hostility.

Assorted Inappropriate Comments 

I realized that Greg wasn't only a bad manager but a bad person to boot. When we were out to dinner after a late workday, I mentioned to Greg and two other colleagues that another colleague, Kristy, and I attended weekly cycling classes. Greg said that was a good thing, noting that Kristy needed to exercise more. I asked him why he would say such a thing, and he lamented how she used to be cute, but she had gained too much weight. Seemingly reviewing his rolodex of female employees, he continued, saying our department admin, Tara's, weight increased and her appearance had gone downhill in the past year. I looked to the other two colleagues and said, "Wow." I was the most junior employee at that table—and the only woman. How does a senior manager think it’s OK to talk about young, female employees like this? We take mandatory sexual harassment training, with managers taking more extensive training.

On Cindy's eventual last day, Greg, Cindy, and I were chatting about how well Greg was getting along with his new boss, Derek. He told us that Derek was much better at his job than Christa—and that she was too emotional to handle the job. He was simply happy to work for a man again. Greg told his two female subordinates all of this without pause. 

OK, maybe this one's just weird: Greg brought in pots and pans his blogger wife got for free from cooking events to sell to co-workers. I ignored the sales attempts, knowing he got them for free and was trying to turn a profit. After a few weeks, and fewer pots sold, Cindy and I were in his office discussing work topics. He pointed out the pots hogging space under his desk.

“Do you girls want these pots? You can have them. I need to get rid of them.” 

Cindy and I both agreed that we would take them if he’s going to give them to us. 

Relieved, he said, “So, how much will you pay for each one?” 

...What? How do you position giving your employees the free mommy-blogger cookware no one will buy, and then ask them for money? I said I misunderstood his offer and declined. Cindy took more time to hem and haw, before ultimately declining as well.

You Should Read My Mind (And My Inbox)

On multiple occasions, Greg berated me for not immediately knowing things like a photographer’s day rate or where a shipment was. And if he couldn't remember something, he expected that I had the answer for him—immediately.

While I always attempted to find the answers he sought, there were hundreds of instances where the information he asked for was not available to me. For example, he would reference meetings I didn't attend and emails that I wasn't on, expecting me to understand him. If I tried to explain that I was not privy to the information, Greg turned hostile when I didn't—and couldn't—have the answers he wanted.

Here are a couple examples:

1. Greg came to my desk asking what was going on with the wardrobe from a video shoot. I hadn’t heard anything from the production company, so I let him know I wasn’t sure, but I would contact them for an update. He insisted that there was an email about it, I was the one handling wardrobe, and I should have the status. Confused, I told him I would search my inbox.

I searched all my emails, deleted and otherwise, and came up with nothing. I went over to his office, telling him if there was an email, I couldn’t find anything. He said I was once again failing my basic job duties, and that I'd have to find out what happened. I called the production company, leaving a voicemail inquiry.

Later, he walked by my desk saying—in passing—that he found out what happened with the wardrobe. He forwarded me the email with the wardrobe communication and—surprise!—I wasn’t on it. Three weeks prior, Greg and one of our Washington employees were on the email thread with the production group, not me. Greg responded to them with directives and the wardrobe was sent to our Washington teammates.

I asked Greg why he was sending me the thread if it was already resolved and, most importantly, why he didn't redirect them to me in the first place if I was responsible.

He said it was to prove that “the conversation occurred,” and I should have been included. I told him I was frustrated—mistakes and misunderstandings happen, but he chastised me. When he falsely claimed it was my mistake, I failed my basic job duties; when the mistake was revealed as his, all was forgiven. 

 

#2: Greg called me into his office after a video shoot—one of the many that I did not attend. He asked how much the photographer's full-day cost was. I told him I wasn’t sure of the exact amount off the top of my head, and if I grabbed my laptop, I could get the information from the project sheet. He told me I couldn't leave as it needed to be resolved "right now." We’d figure it out together.

I sat and watched as he looked through his inbox for the email. He asked me if the photographer's rate was $75 per hour, how much a full day with overtime would be. I asked how many hours he worked, the overtime rate, and for a calculator. 

Greg said, “Oh, come on. The math isn’t that hard. I hired you because you’re smart, right? Are you telling me you can't do simple math?”

I excused myself and said I would grab a calculator so I could answer his question. He told me to stay, but I continued to walk out. You can tell the difference between someone teasing and someone being an ass—he was always the latter.

About five minutes later, he forwarded me an email thread—that I was NOT on—with the photographer’s rates and how much the full day was, saying:

"If I am asking you to be responsible for these then you do need to be cced on all of the correspondence and that will take place moving forward. The best approach is when we discuss this that you are all in. Not to be defensive because once someone becomes defensive then they are blind to what is needed. Cool?"

This was the norm. Nearly daily he would ask me for things I didn’t and couldn’t have answers for. Answers that HE had. He would confuse and condescend me, I would defend myself, and then he would tell me not to get frustrated. 

I semi-diplomatically responded to his message: "Greg, I would ask to be looped into these conversations when they occur so I’m better aware of what’s going on and can anticipate your expectations. Thanks!"

 

This was what working with Greg Everage was like, every minute of every hour of every workday—he never owned up to his mistakes. I was slowly losing my sanity to each frustrating moment working with him.

Next up: Health and Confidentiality

Dream Company, Nightmare Boss — Part IV - The End of 2014

What Are Your Goals? 

Around October, a meeting was planned with Greg Everage to discuss my short- and long-term career goals. I chatted with my teammate, Cindy, and the department admin, Tara, about how those meetings work. They mentioned that it was a chance to discuss how you want to grow in your role and in the company with your supervisor. I planned to discuss the positives, the current disparity between my daily tasks and the job description and how to connect the dots, and also what opportunities I'd like to explore.

For my current role, I mentioned to Greg that I wanted the chance to lead projects. He told me I wasn’t ready, and when I asked what I needed to be ready, he told me “in time.” When I pushed further, he repeated himself. What I was asking for was the chance to do what was in the job description. So, I took a gamble: If there was no room for me to do what I signed up for, and no timeline of when I could, why not discuss other aspirations?

When we got into long-term career goals, I mentioned my passion for the company's games. I said one day I could see myself working closer with the product in brand marketing or localization. I was met with hostility. 

“Well, I don’t want to waste my time training you. It’s a lot of effort to invest, and I’d rather have someone that wants long-term. Why did you apply to this job? Why didn’t you apply to those roles? If those hiring managers came down right now and offered you a job, you’d just leave, then. Training is a lot of work—I don’t think you realize. I’d rather you leave sooner than later so I don’t waste my time.” 

I kept reiterating that I wanted to learn and grow in my current role, but I was not receiving any opportunities to do so. This was absolutely true. I WANTED the job I applied for; I did NOT want the job he devolved mine into.

Thereafter, this was a source of tension between us. Greg was convinced I accepted my job as an "in" for the company. It wasn't that. My survival instinct kicked in, and I sought out hope, only wanting respite from him. I worked for a nightmare boss at my dream company.

The Department Code Incident

This situation is challenging to describe, but I'll do my best. Bullets seem to help.

• In early November 2014, Greg went up to Washington for a video shoot. In advance of the trip, Cindy showed me how to create a requisition from the department budget for him to use for related expenses (think: an account specifically for related staffing, resources, materials, props, etc.). 
• This information, including the code, was shared with Greg.
• The morning of the shoot, Greg emailed Becca in the contracts department asking for our department's codes. No further context. She expressed that she didn't have that information, stating that he should have and should know this information. Becca suggested he ask Cindy, since she formerly was the department admin.
• Greg then emailed both Cindy and me asking for "the department code" to pay for his breakfast. At that time, I was in the restroom, so Cindy resent the code we created together, expressing that travel meals are reimbursed and he should keep his receipt.
• Greg insisted what she sent was wrong, asked her for a different code, and asked about my whereabouts. 
• When I returned to my desk, I saw the back and forth. I walked over to the office accountant, Dan, and described what was going on. Dan said while Cindy wasn't wrong, the company strongly preferred reimbursement, and asked me to reinforce this to Greg.
• I typed up Dan's suggestion, updating the email thread.
• Greg responded, declining Dan's suggestion, and demanded that I get the right code. 
• I went over to chat with Dan again, and he stated the only code—and only other option—was what Cindy initially shared. He said if Greg had further questions, he should reach out to him directly. Finally, someone with some sense.
• I emailed Dan's second recommendation to Greg. (There are only two options: Reimburse or use the code Cindy shared with you.) I provided Dan's phone number, saying if he needed further clarity, it'd be best for them to chat directly about the company's policy.
• Minutes later, my work phone rang. It was Greg. 
• He asked why it was so hard for me to understand his request.
• He asked how I couldn't understand simple questions. 
• He said I wasn’t performing my basic job responsibilities. 
• He said he received feedback from many members of the team that I was not meeting expectations.
• He was very displeased that I didn't have the answers I should.
• Hearing all that hurt my insides, but I let him finish without interruption. It wasn't that it was coming from him; I didn't care about his opinions. It was that none of it made any sense. Nothing he said ever made any sense!
• When Greg finished telling me the ways I failed him and the team, I stated that we should focus on the current situation.
• I explained that I wasn’t made aware before that very morning that I needed to know any additional codes. And when I'm suddenly expected to provide information I do not know, that is setting me up to fail. To fulfill his expectation, I have to track down information, which takes time. 
• I further explained that what Greg asked for was against the company's norm, so I needed Dan's support, which Greg refused. There were no other answers to provide. I cannot materialize an answer which does not exist.
• Greg did not acknowledge anything. Instead he said, word for word: "I need you to stop bugging Cindy." He continued, saying Cindy shouldn’t be answering questions I should have answers to. He said, "It's not her job to do yours."
• I was shocked. I was confused. And all three of us gave him answers, multiple times, and he still wasn't satisfied. No one understands you!
• I felt my eyes well up. I couldn't hold back my frustration. 
• I took a deep breath, telling Greg I understood but didn't agree with his assessment, adding that we would have to chat later. 
• I hung up my office phone. I grabbed my cell phone. I stood up, feeling the weight of stress and anxiety pulling me down. I walked down the hall, passing dozens of employees. I tried to maintain a poker face, but a few of my colleagues saw the tears that already trailed down my cheeks. Once I got to the exit, I ran. I ran into the parking lot, down the street, until I reached a field.
• I sat down and stared skyward. No thoughts in my head—just quiet.
• Soon, Greg started calling my cell phone: one, two, three times, emailing me to call him back. I needed space, but he wouldn’t give it to me. He was texting me to call him: "I don't want this to be a bigger deal than it is."

A couple days later, when the trip concluded, Greg called Cindy and me into his office. He said that the situation the other day was an embarrassment for the team. He also heard that I cried. I acknowledged that I did, saying it was frustrating trying to figure out what he wanted. Greg said that was disappointing because my emotions gave a bad impression of the team. I asked him who saw me in tears, and he said, "Everyone, the whole office knows you cried."

He didn’t apologize for how he handled the situation. He didn't own that he was the reason everyone was confused. 

Greg, in front of Cindy, reiterated that I wasn't meeting expectations. He said that I needed to stop asking her for help and start finding my own answers. Greg goaded her to agree with him. 

Cindy apologized that there was no formal training, but fulfilling Greg's requests was part of the job, and I needed to accept it.

I could barely stomach the conversation. I employed my usual coping mechanism: staring at the wall, nodding quietly, smiling softly, reminding myself that this was my dream...twisted as the reality was.

When I returned to my desk, I began writing an email to Human Resources. I could not accept being bullied by this man any longer.

Initially, my experience with the HR department went well enough. They seemed genuinely concerned about the bullying and that I wasn't given proper job clarity and training. Here were the action items (corporate speak, I know):

• Confirm job description and update responsibilities as needed. 
• Greg worked with HR on this. My job title was changed to Creative Video Specialist. My role was now project manager for the video team in Washington. 
• I affirmed I was up for the challenge but presented the caveat that I was not experienced with extensive video work and would need training. 
• That training—to understand and manage video pre-production, production, and post-production—came in the usual form of being CC’ed on emails. When I asked for learning tools and opportunities, he gave me a college textbook about video production from 1998.
• My new expectation was to manage video shoots, with zero prior experience and no opportunity to attend the actual production. In three years, I attended one video shoot out of over twenty that occurred. Still, I was responsible for managing each video shoot beginning to end, despite the hurdle of getting close to zero hands-on experience.

Unlike the job clarity, HR did not respond to any of my bullying complaints in writing. They did, however, say in person that they would work with Greg on compassionate leadership. Over time, I questioned this work, as conditions grew more hostile in 2015.

Next up: 2015 Bits and Pieces