Part VIII - Later That Week

At a department meeting early on January 22, Cindy asked if our team would ever reside in one location. Greg answered her question. The meeting continued.

Later in the hallway, I overheard Greg asking Cindy if she asked that question on my behalf. She said she did not, and I came by affirming that I did not ask her. Greg laughed, saying that he knows I made her ask. I once again said I didn't. Greg walked away announcing in the hallway, "Whatever you say, Katie. Everyone knows you want to move away." 

I believe those sorts of conversations are private and better not broadcast in public at work. Regardless of my thoughts on relocating (really, anywhere to escape him at this point), I did not want folks knowing my personal business. I also didn't appreciate his dismissive attitude toward Cindy and me. I went in his office and asked if we could talk. I expressed that I disagree with what he said, I wished he would believe my word, and how he spoke to us was wrong.

• Greg told me that he was right and I was wrong. He said that I did want to move, and I told Cindy to ask for me. I repeated that I did not ask her.
• He said I talked about moving “all the time.” I disagreed, saying it was not something I was open to talking about. I requested we drop it and move on.
• Greg insisted that he was right, and he knew that was what I wanted. I once again asked if he could stop because he was making me uncomfortable.
• He then said I was too sensitive and should relax. I said I was being civil and didn't want to talk about it anymore—asking him again to move on.
• Greg then said that I was taking him too seriously and making a big deal out it. I disagreed saying he wouldn't have taken it this far if he wasn't serious, and we'll have to agree to disagree.
• Greg then circled back saying he was joking the whole time. (Was this the part where I give in and laugh?)
• At that point, I asked why he couldn't talk to me with any kindness or respect. I told him he continued to make me uncomfortable, so the best course of action for me was to walk away. He continued to reiterate I should learn to take a joke as I left.
• I returned to my desk, frustrated and annoyed that this person, my manager, could only talk down to me.

I couldn't concentrate on work, so I did what I believed was right if you felt harassed and intimidated. I messaged and called HR to discuss and did not hear back that morning. (We didn't have an HR representative based in our office at the time. HR replied at 1:17 p.m., after I left the office.)

 

Since I didn't hear back from HR, I looked for another option to discuss what happened. The next option was speaking to another member of management staff. So, I messaged a manager in my department, Matthew, and didn't get a response. I then asked Cora, another manager in my department,  to meet with me. 

I explained the situation, and we decided that going home to have physical separation from Greg and wait to hear from HR was the best option. Cora said she would handle speaking to Greg or whoever else she needed to inform. I left shortly thereafter, telling a couple of my teammates that I was going home for the day.

 

Once I arrived home and collected my thoughts, I emailed HR detailing the incident. There was already a pending discussion about Greg's continued bullying and intimidation planned for that next week. This was added salt to my open wounds.

--

 

That next week I talked with HR about the recent incident, specifically what happened on January 22. They said my reaction was fine, but in the future, perhaps there was a better way for me to handle the situation. I said that I entered the conversation diplomatically and hoped to come to a mutual understanding; but he wouldn't listen, insisted he was right, I was wrong, I was too sensitive, I took things too seriously, and finally that he was joking--classic schoolyard bully tactic. 

 

I reiterated to HR that this wasn’t just one incident, but a pattern of incidents as part of his overall hostile behavior. We needed a solution to this ongoing problem for myself, the team, and the company.

 

Also, after Colleen told her manager what was going on, I had a chance to speak with them later that week. Much like Colleen's, my conversation with them was productive and helpful. They truly cared about what was going on and denounced Greg's actions. They didn’t point the finger at me as part of the problem or the solution being "within me." As Taylor Swift so aptly put it, I very much wanted to be excluded from the ongoing narrative. I was so defeated at that point, that conversations like this one gave me hope that there were genuine, decent people around me--but also lament that I couldn't receive that sincerity and decency from my own manager.

At this point, HR requested I answer three questions: 

• What are the three hindrances to my current job? 
• Is this the right job for me? 
• Is this the right company for me? 

In retrospect, those are alarming questions. It didn't make me as nervous then as it does now. They were implicitly signaling to me that I wasn't a right fit for the job or the company. 

Was I fated to be another statistic? Another woman pushed to leave her job because of a hostile work environment. The blame was shifted away from Greg. I was not responsible for Greg's toxic behavior, but I was responsible for dealing with the situation.

Soon, HR informed me that Greg was being coached and senior leadership was aware of the issues with him. That was more discomforting than anything. I didn't want anyone to know about what was going on. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to go into work, do my job, and go home feeling satisfied, excited to return the next day. The only days I looked forward to were the ones when I knew he wouldn't be there. All the other days, though, were days I woke up wishing I could go back to sleep. Sleep was peace.

Next up: Retaliation.